Triptych
by Paint Me Violent
Summary: A remarkably true story about a woman who only existed in dreams.
1. Chapter 1

**Part I. The Desperate Woman.**

**Chapter 1.**

**Chapter inspiration:** Every Day is exactly the Same – Nine Inch Nails

The deal is that it is not confession. It is not a story about a woman who has got her happily ever after with her husband, lives in a big house with picket fence and has three children and a dog. It is a story about a woman searching for someone to replace the sound of beating heart and someone who could give her a life that would boil the frozen blood in her veins.

It all started like these stories tend to: with seventeen years of marriage, a family she knew too well and her life that turned into a vicious circle which repeated in even the smallest details every three years. And yet the Cullens live happily, without a care in the world, running in circles and being the same Cullens she met, it seemed to her, a lifetime ago.

And she? She is as miserable as the characters of Victor Hugo's _Les Misér__а__bles_. Because something left a hole in her existence that is sucking out all the joy she gets from her life, because something is missing – in Alice's talks, Esme's hugs, Emmett's smiles, Rosalie's remarks and in Edward's kisses. But she cannot place her finger on what it is exactly. And it frustrates her immensely.

She is fed up with the artificial happiness. She arches for action, for something different from the routine she is used to. Morning sex with Edward, good-bye kiss before he joins the others to go to school, then she visits Renesmee and Jacob in their cozy little apartment, and after that she takes a shower and heads to the main manor where the whole family gathers up after a long day. There she plays video games with her brothers or Alice will make her a living Barbie once again. Maybe Esme will try to teach her a new dish and Rosalie will remark how disgusting it looks. And at night Edward and she hunt and go back to their house to have sex. Every day is exactly the same, nothing exciting or remotely interesting happens. Someone may call her crazy, but she would have given up everything if only for a chance to go back in time and change a few things – kick Victoria's ass once more, kiss Jacob (while she could), spit in Aro's face and die, giving childbirth. Yes, you heard right. Living the life she does, playing the housewife is too much even for a shy klutz who loves Jane Austen's novels with her whole heart.

As she recalls now it was in Belfast, seven years after they moved from Forks, that she had realized one simple truth. She would never grow up. She would never sit on a bench with her husband, holding hands and knowing that they would die together from old age, having lived their lives to the fullest and enjoying every little moment. She would never be truly old.

It devastated her back then. Had she really choose immortality just to be young and beautiful by Edward's side? Was she so much in love with the boy who broke her heart once and left it for others to piece back together? Him stalking her, him leaving her, the numbness she felt for months, him trying to kill Jacob, the one who was there, who repaired her. And Edward just returned to the girl he left – not exactly the same girl, but someone close. He did nothing to save her from the greatest danger – herself. And she still loved him and nothing could have changed that.

And slowly sinking in the routine her everyday life turned into, she understood that the famous Hollywood forever isn't 'til the end of times and beyond, but that it means a few months, maybe a couple of years. She is not sure when she would be too tired from hypocrisy to put on a smile, to get up from her bed and pretend that everything is still as it has been. She craved a way out, something to sweep her off her feet and take her to see the other side of life.

Rosalie's words still flash sometimes in her mind like a broken record. Her bitterness, her anger about Isabella's decision, her intent to scare the nervous teenage girl from damning herself to the same fate, now it all makes sense.

"_This isn't a life I would have chosen for myself."_

Rosalie was right, Isabella had to admit. But she was so naïve, so ignorant of how everyone schooled themselves into believing they were content with their lives and each other seconds before she entered their house. Or maybe it just her angry alter ego makes the Cullens into villains to somehow explain her loused up life. If she knew back then what her life would become, she would have never asked to be turned. But then what good does "ifs" do?

But all the questions cemented the belief that she needed a change. However, Bella is not brave enough to do something about her situation. She is a lost girl who wants something she can't get, too many doubts, insecurities.

She lies.

Her days do not end with sex, they end up with her imagining the many "ifs", the many lives she could have led. And a reminder that no good will come out of numerous "what ifs".

Absolutely none.

* * *

_**Note:**_ The name of the first part is inspired by the amazing and yet terrifying picture _The Desperate Man_ by **Gustave Courbet**.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2.**

**Chapter inspiration:** UNKLE – The Answer (ft. Big in Japan)

She has not planned on sleeping late and waking up with a pounding headache on such an awful Sunday, when the sun is nowhere to be found and heavy drops are hammering down on the bedroom window.

She can hear Emmett stomping on the first floor of the house and then the too tempting smell of Earl Grey, which is being poured into the cups, reaches her nose and beckons her to come down and have a cup or three, preferably.

By the time she comes down and greets Esme with a kiss on the cheek, the rain has stopped and first hesitant tiny rays of sunshine start to stream through the still grey sky. The day is beginning to get better.

xxx

Bella kisses Renesmee's cheek, hugs Jacob good-bye and walks out of their apartment into the mild Paris afternoon, filled with music and the lingering scent of coffee and viennoseries.

From _rue Saint-Jacques_ to _rue des Ecoles_ and through the inviting-looking doors of _La Petite Périgourdine _and she finds herselfdrinking coffee arabica, looking out of the window at the smiling faces of the passers-by and then seeing herself in the window glass, she stucks her tongue out at the other Bella and laughs lightly at the sheer silliness of the situation. A grown woman sticking her tongue at her own reflection!

"It's a bit windy, isn't it?"

Bella jumps at the voice and turns sharply, only to see a tall and broad-shouldered man, standing with a cup of steaming coffee in his hands.

"Yes, it is. Please, sit down," she gestures to the chair opposite her and watches as the man sat down with a grateful smile.

"Thank you. I couldn't help noticing your drawings, Miss."

Her fingers instinctively touch the sharp corners of the sheets as she raises her head to look at the man.

"And why is that? If you don't mind my asking."

"Not at all. I'm the one bothering you, after all. I have been trying to find the way out of this maze, but I failed."

"Are mazes not designed for people to fail to find their way out of them?"

"Not always," the man smiles. "Have you studied painting?"

"I did learn to paint, but my interests lie with architecture."

"Oh, architecture - _École des Beaux-Arts_, then?"

Bella shakes her head, "Wrong guess, sir. _Architectural Association_ graduate."

"Well, that explains your magnificent labyrinth. Put a minotaur somewhere close to the exit and no one will finish it."

"That's a good idea. I wish my name was Ariadne."

The stranger laughs and nods absent-mindedly, eyes still on the maze.

"Have you found the way out yet?"

"To tell the truth, I haven't. What's your secret, Miss?"

She is about to reply, when her mobile phone rings and she, with one glance at the screen, hurries to get up and put her coat on.

"It was a pleasure to meet you. But I have to go now."

When she is already at the door, she turns around and called out to him:

"The secret, sir, is that there is no exit."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter summary:** Credo, quia verum

**Chapter inspiration: **Mad World – Michael Andrews fest. Gary Jule

**Words: **2916

**Arthur's Note: **I need to point out a few details about vampires. First, they are a lot like Vampires from "Vampire Diaries" because they don't sparkle, they can eat, drink and they don't have a stony body (they have almost human body but the heart is beating slowly and there is venom that makes them venomous) but the rest is pretty much the same.

**READ AND REVIEW!**

When I returned home I suddenly realized that I lost the sketchbook. Or better to say, I've left it lying open in the coffee shop, just great.

Just then at the most horrible and depressing moment of today, Alice bunched in the living room.

"Hey, Belllllaaa!" she sang in her beautiful bird-like voice. "You look awfully awful," she pointed out.

Great, pixie, way to make my day better! And if she asks me to play Bella-Barbie, I will take her head and play football. But to my amusement she didn't ask for a make-over for Bella, she just skipped further into the house and took my arms in hers.

"Look, where is Edward? I need to speak to him and he didn't show his nose all day long…" her face changed to a scowl but then she once more smiled at me.

This mask-showdown is really starting to get to me. Can she be a little more adult-like? I want to scream so much because of her and Emmett's childish behaviour.

"He went to school with you and Emmett, forgot that already, Alice?"

"Really? But I haven't seen him in school," said Alice letting go of my hands and rubbed her chin in thoughts. "Maybe he was there but went by taxi? Or maybe he went on foot and stayed out of my eyes…" she kept muttering for two more minutes before it gets on my nerves.

It should have bothered me that Edward didn't show up in school or that he hid from Alice and Emmett. It should have. But it didn't. The day was so tiring that even I, a vampire, was tired like a slave on a galley.

"Alice, maybe instead of muttering under your nose you'll go and find Edward and solve your problems. I'm tired, alright? I don't want to hear your thoughts about his possible location. I want some space, so would you be so kind to get out?" I looked at her and then at the door.

Alice pursed her mouth but nodded.

"Alright, if you want," she hugged me quickly and exited the house.

I immediately felt guilty, but hell, it's her problems. And I'm so tired that I want nothing more than just to watch a movie and read a book. Doesn't she understand?

Edward returned when I was sobbing to the final scene of 'Atonement'. He came up to me and hugged me from behind, resting his head on top of mine.

"What's the matter, Bella?" he asked kissing the top of my neck.

"It's sad that they didn't have their happily-ever-after. Her sister is a total idiot," I said turning to my husband.

"But it's a movie, real life is different. We've got our happy end, and we're happy," said Edward looking me in the eyes.

The magical feeling that I once had every time he looked at me like that, dazzling me, vanished and there is nothing of that foolish girl in my eyes now. But I smile at him and kiss him gently on the lips.

"Of course, we do" Oh, Edward, how little you know with all your education and intelligence.

Slow kisses turned to slow sex, full of something that Edward names 'love' and I name 'duty'.

Lying in bed I was thinking about our vows and daughter. Maybe only because of her I am still pretending to be the perfect wife, who is in love with her husband, maybe because I know that I don't have enough bravery to abandon everything and ran as far as my legs will take me. I don't know, but I truly want to find out.

The meeting that changed my life, a little cliché, I know, happened on Friday afternoon in a shop coffee, but not the one where I left my sketchbook. That time I didn't draw or dream, that was pointless.

"So you love coffee?" I head a familiar voice from before. "American?"

"Yes," I answered in English. "And are you stalking me?"

"No, I love coffee and I work not far away. And what about you, do you work not far away too?" he asked sitting down with his coffee.

He was just a person that I will never see again, that will never know my name, he's just the stranger with his own problems and thoughts. And he is an ordinary human – he will forget me and never remember after he'll exit the door. And I'm just too weak to hold everything in myself. I'm just a woman who has feelings.

"I live not far away and I'm all alone in the house. I'm lonely and here I feel like a part of something and I love coffee… And why I'm even telling you this?" I massaged my forehead with my palm and put my elbows on the table and then my head on my palms, closing my eyes and trying to switch all the noise in the room out.

"You don't have a family?" asked the guy opposite her.

"I do, I'm married, and have two brothers and two sisters and parent-in-laws. But it's… difficult. I'm sorry, sir, for burdening you with my problems…" I wanted to stand up because it suddenly felt a little better. Just a little, but better.

But the man had something else in mind. He wasn't moving or anything but I heard him telling me something. And that changed everything in my life.

"Do you want a job as an architect?"

"What?" I fell back in the chair and looked at him.

He is absolutely crazy, no way he's sane. How can he offer a person who he doesn't know, whose portfolio he hasn't seen, a job as architect? It is one hell of a responsibility, building someone's house so that it won't crash and kill people isn't something simple.

"Look, I love architecture, but I don't know you. And responsibility for someone's death isn't what I want," I said looking at the man and trying to find out if he's joking.

"You don't have to build buildings in the city… It's more… of imaginative work. And your mazes speak for you," he gave me my sketchbook.

"You looked through it without permission?" I'm angry. How dare he break in my personal life without asking if he can?

"And I saw amazing things. I want to offer you a job. So?"

I looked at him. I don't risk anything, after all I'm dead for all those people who knew me and I can die for those who see me now if something goes wrong.

"What is exactly required from me?"

He smiled and stood up.

"Come on, I'm Dominic Cobb, by the way," he said and exited the café. I had to run after him just to catch up.

"What do you know about dreams?" he asked crossing the road to a small park.

I am shocked. Does he know about me? Is he dangerous to my daughter? What did he mean by dreams? Those questions swirled in my head until I forced myself to speak.

"What do you mean by dreams? Hopes or when we go to sleep?" I hesitantly asked trying to understand what is asked from me.

"The second variant. What are dreams, for you?" he looked at me like questioning if I'm sane or something, or maybe he meant something else by that look but I couldn't concentrate on Cobb as I was too deep in thoughts about his question.

"Dreams are when we hope for something that we can't get it in real life, but in dreams we have that. It's illusion that the subconscious create in order for us to feel better. I think so," I looked up at Cobb. Dom was looking at me and I suddenly understood that I answered correctly. Well, I said what he wanted to hear.

"And what are your dreams? What can you tell me about them?" he asks that like he cares. Like he really wants to know the answer, but I honestly can't understand what it is all about. I won't tell him that I don't sleep, I tell him about those dreams that I create sitting somewhere in the cafes all alone.

"They are big and colorful, well, not really. But I can't really explain it, they are never red, green and yellow, no, they are brown, grey, black, white, dark red, dark green and there is always a little yellow, but it creates an illusion that my dreams are colorful… They are neutral, usually I dream of places I was in but they are different from real places… It's strange a little, but I know when I'm dreaming, I always know," the last part came in a whisper.

I closed my eyes and then looked at the man who called himself Dominic Cobb.

"And I'm dreaming now, too, you're not real and will never be. But it's a strange dream, you know, it's almost feels real, but the coffee was a little different from what I like, and you are wearing something that I will never ever dream of. It's just a dream"

But suddenly everything explodes into million tiny pieces and I see Cobb's head falling of the neck. And I can't help but scream and scream not once breaking eye contact with blood that slowly started spreading all over the asphalt, it was soaking in the small clefts and it started to slowly move towards me like it knew what I am.

I ran, through the park, where the echo of exploding is still heard, through the street of people who are cut, killed but their eyes are all on me and they know, they know. When I realize that I am running on a human speed, I stop completely and suddenly understand that I feel a little sweaty and that my heart is racing like mad. It can't be. I don't dream like that. It's impossible.

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound that is a lot like a thunder, and then there is fire, everywhere. It touches me and I lit up like a match. So much pain, all I could think of at that moment was that I'd never been in so much pain before.

And then…

I open my eyes to the bright light of the room. I want to call for Edward or Renesmee but I can't utter the word after what I've been through. I only sit up and touch my neck in order not to cry out of pain. What is pain? It's something you can't fight, even if you want to. Pain is the feeling when somebody or something hurts us and there is nothing we can do to stop it. But I'm a vampire, I know what pain is, but I can't feel it. What happened is something that I don't have an explanation for.

"You are finally awake," stated the voice I've dreamed up.

I looked up from the needle in my arm that frightened me beyond words and saw two men. One of them is an exact image of Dominic Cobb, the other is younger and has a very handsome but professional face.

I back in my stove-bench; I want to get out of this building before these two madmen can hurt me once more like they did in the dream. I know it was them.

"You have a violent mind," stated the exact image of Dominic Cobb. "You beheaded me and that was one big hell hole"

I don't trust him because he's lying. They were the ones responsible for the pain, I'd never ever thought of killing someone just because I don't like them. Well, maybe I'm thinking about it now.

"Who are you?" I choked out still under that all-absorbing pain of the dream.

"You already know my name and this…"

"I don't," I argued, because I don't know his name. This man can't be the man I've met in my dreams, because I've never seen him and that's a big point. I don't dream up some strangers…

I stopped. I don't dream up some strangers, I don't create names out of nowhere. But I saw him in that coffee shop but he didn't tell me his name. What is going on here? I looked at him with the realization that I know him.

"See, you do…"

This is all some drunk-up joke of drunken Emmett, and I won't be too surprised to find out Jasper has his say in it. I will kill them when I will get out of here.

"And this is Arthur. Let's cut it short, you were in a dream created by yourself but it wasn't just a normal dream you had before…"

I rolled my eyes, my self-control had returned and now I would be a skeptical bitch. I don't tolerate when there are experiments being done on me.

"Of course, I don't dream of killing and, dammit, do you think I am that stupid?" I took a needle out of my arm and stood up but a sudden dizziness came over me and I had to sit down so I won't fall.

"I'm still fucking dreaming," I swore the first time in my life. Well, I already swore twice today or maybe even much more. I didn't keep track of that. Am I turning to some…

"I told you, Arthur, somehow she knows. Maybe she was into this before… I've never seen a person who knows that he's still dreaming in the first minute of a dream"

Even if Cobb didn't mean for me to hear that, I did. And there was something frightening about this all.

"Hey, I'm still here. Maybe you'll explain? I don't really believe that you exist, it's a dream and… I just… I don't understand what is going on. And I hate to be left out of something important like my mind. So…"

I trail off and look at the two men in front of me, awaiting some easy explanation like the table of multiplication. But it is anything but easy.

"People not long ago, maybe twenty years or so, created a technology that made possible to go into a person's mind and…"

"Steal information," I ended his thought while looking out of the window in the dark streets that weren't really dark for me. There was a cat, a big white cat with black nose and green-green eyes; there was a bin, an orange one, trees that were growing up everywhere and so many small details from the past. But what reminded me of the past, of my human past, was a police car standing outside, Charlie's car.

"So you two steal information from people to sell it to those who will pay higher, like a market?" I looked at the two hesitant men and laughed. "Come on, you're joking, right?"

But the serious expressions on their faces told me otherwise. And I believed them. I believe in absurd.

"And why do you need me? I… don't have any information of government importance, I'm just a girl," I shrugged and examined their faces. "Or…"

Arthur is the first one to get out of his amused state and he looks at me, examining.

"Cobb told me that you can draw absolutely mind-blowing mazes and he told the truth. We need you to build our world of dreams. To create your realms"

I am one hundred percent sure that my eyes lit up at the words 'world' and 'realms'. And that is the moment I become hooked to the job. Well, to the idea of the job.

"I'm in," the words leave my mouth before I can even think about it, but there is nothing to think about because I'm offered an opportunity to create the world of the dreams. I don't quite understand how mazes are involved or what this job is. The only thing I know is that I will be creating and building.

And suddenly I open my eyes to the bright day and hear a very masculine voice telling me.

"Welcome in the family, darling!" There stands a very handsome man of 32 or 33 years old with fair hair and twinkling grey-blue eyes.

I look around and the room feels right, not like in dreams (too right, too perfect, but life-right (always a little off, always with some little flaw that humans eyes won't see, only vampires who are concentrating on the problem can do that.) No magic, just cheating.). And there are Dominic Cobb and Arthur taking out the needles of their wrists. It's real.

"I'm Eames, love, the forger. And what are you doing tonight?" his words are smooth and very pleasant to ears but I'm married.

I smile at him in a friendly way, nothing else, I swear.

"I'm going home to my family," no sarcasm or hostile actions. I think Eames is a good man; he just loves to flirt and annoy people. He's a lot like Emmett in behavior, but there is something in those eyes that make him a lot like me.

He's lost, vulnerable and afraid of something. But I'm not one to judge, I have my problems. Everyone has problems. But we are wearing masks every day, carefully gluing them to our faces in fear of them falling and revealing who we really are. But when we want to put off the mask, we don't know where our face ends and the mask begins, because they become one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter summary: **Truth is one of those things that can be changed to what you want it to be.

**Chapter Inspiration: **Blinding – Florence and the Machine

**Words: **1994

**Arthur's Note:** So how do you like my madmadmad story? I know, Bella's thinking along that line, but… you know, in the books and in the films she was all 'I love you, Edward, you're my whole world. And I'm not going to rip your head off for leaving me and killing me emotionally. No, I still love you, Edward' and on and on and on. Their love story is too sweet for my liking, every time someone tries to kill her, Edward is there to save a day. You know, I don't want to offend those who love Bella/Edward couple, but they are so stupid! And I'm not the fan of them. But it doesn't mean that in my story they won't make up in the end and live happily ever after or maybe Bella will fall in love with Jasper (that's my favourite Twilight couple) or she may even find someone… But who knows? Read and find out (to tell the truth, I don't know how everything will end)

I already introduced you to Twilight world of my story in previous A/N, now I need to introduce you to my Inception world. Remember, I don't own Twilight (because Stephanie Meyer dose that and the second reason is because Bella and Edward together suck!) and I don't own Inception (Christopher Nolan has all the rights, but I'm in love with it).

So here are the rules. It has no Ariadne here, she's cool, but I need Bella as an architect, so sorry, Ariadne's fans. Inception is going to be performed a little later in the story (but not on Fisher, I like that man, so I'll leave him alone to rest in peace, but I promise Saito will be in the story). And Cobb will retire after Inception. Vampires of my story can be sent to the dream-land, because they don't have stone-like body and they have blood in them. That's it.

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I'm walking next to Arthur, who is showing me the dream world that he has created. He's like a babysitter to me, he is teaching me the foundations of architecture and he shows me a few tricks of his own, like Penrose stairs. They're fascinating, absolutely amazing. He explains how everything works while we are under and it's just like a fairytale where a girl got her wish. Because it's exciting, it's special to me. And I have a whole world at my will.

Arthur is always here when I need him, I know that he has a lot of work, but he answers my questions anytime and he's helping me to adjust. And he reminds me of Carlisle. Arthur is calm, collected, he knows nearly everything but still he's comfortable to be around – he doesn't ask questions (already knows a lot about you), he's intelligent enough to make a small talk while you're walking towards your destination and he knows what to say and when to say.

And in reality Arthur is the only one I've got to talk to in two days I've been working with them. Eames is away doing… something. And Cobb has his own issues that I don't want to be dragged into. I don't have anything against him, but there is something in him that feels wrong, almost mad. So I try not to mess around him.

We are waking through one of the galleries, Arthur is explaining to me ways of extracting information when I see people. I've never seen people in Arthur's dreams and that makes me a little worried and interested in them.

"Who are this people?" I ask Arthur turning my head to him while walking past them.

"It's projections of my subconscious. You've created this world, and the subject fills it with his secrets. You can talk with the projections and this is one of the ways to steal information you need. But you have to be careful, they will notice you and kill you," warned Arthur.

"But why?"

"They feel that you don't belong here, don't change too much or…"

"They'll kill us," I said shrugging. "Got it, no need to repeat it, you know"

Arthur smiled like a Cheshire cat and shook his head.

"They won't kill us, only you"

I stop and look around; we are heading towards some factory. Pain flashes in the back of my mind and then I'm not so sure about the industrial area of the town. I change it to the big bridge where I usually love to sit down and look at the sunset.

"I know this place," stated Arthur. "This is a real place, isn't it?" his voice has some panic in it and may be at another time, in different place it would have amused me, frightened even, but it doesn't.

I'm moving forward, not bothering about anything. Because I'm playing God, changing weather and places. And the only thing I can feel is adrenaline. It pumps in my veins, makes me want to jump up and scream happily.

"Bella!" he calls for me waiting for an answer.

"Yes, I always watch sunsets from here"

The sun is going down and I've stopped moving, admiring different shades and colors that it has. But it doesn't feel real. I can't pick up the right colors and it looks different, more beautiful but at the same moment so unrealistic.

"You can't recreate anything from your memory. Always create new places"

I'm still adding details to my perfect sunset and when it's done, I'm already moving to the barrier of the bridge creating stairs that will lead me to the sun, where it's warm and beautiful.

"Shouldn't you build from your memories?"

"Only in details – a bin, a picture or a car but not the whole place," he's catching up to me; I hear his steps, hurried and panicked.

"Because creating the dream from your memories can lead you to losing yourself in a dream," he's a meter away and I can smell his panic. Something's off. I know it.

The barriers are no more, instead elegant stairs are going up to the sky, Greek columns are supporting the stairs. And it's a masterpiece that I won't to climb up because Arthur stops me by grabbing my arm.

"That happened to Cobb, not me, Arthur, I'm different. I know what's real and what's not"

"It has nothing to do with Cobb, Bella" he's sending glares my way and suddenly I feel an arm on me that doesn't belong to Arthur.

On turning around I see a crowd of faces, they stretch hands to me, Arthur is trying to get them off me but he's being dragged off himself. There is myriad of hands on me, they are tearing my clothes and their nails are biting in my skin.

"Arthur!" I try to break free, to get away from them.

They are tearing my hair off, lock by lock, and it hurts, God, how much it hurts. There are more hands and everyone is trying to get a piece of me, it hurts, so much.

One thing I can't get used is pain. Living without pain is bad, you can't feel anything and that is something I will gladly give up, but the pain I'm feeling now can't be compared with anything expect the fire that I've felt days ago.

I'm trying to think about something happy – sunsets, dreams, Renesmee, but I can't because pain is unbearable and I concentrate on the projections tearing me to pieces.

I'm still struggling against their hands trying to break free, but nothing helps. Someone's torn a big piece of flesh on my arm and I can't help but scream when someone's nails are sticking into my neck. I can feel them near my neck spine and those moments before those fingers can reach it are the worst of my life. I don't struggle any more, my body is too exhausted, because it feels like a million of bees and dogs bit it. I can only scream.

"Someone! Wake me up! Wake me up!"

And then pain, not like before, it's mild and serene and it feels almost like a gift to the tortured man.

I wake up with a gasp, there aren't tears in my eyes, but I want to cry, I desperately need to cry. I don't feel the pain anymore, but the memory of that torture will always stay in my mind. It will always be there, I won't be able to forget.

I feel a soft, big hand touching mine and an identical hand on my back. The person smells of metal and scotch. I understand that it's Eames. He's the only one I know who can drink when it's barely 11.

"Calm down, calm down," he's trying to comfort me and his presence is soothing, but it doesn't bring much needed comfort, but now I know that no one will jump out of nowhere and try to tear me into nothing.

I hugged myself and close my eyes, trying to collect myself.

"Why?" I whispered "Why hadn't I woken up?" I looked up at Eames, whose face is worried and he looks rather unsure of what to do.

"There was still time left," he said taking the needle from my wrist. "You were screaming, I thought Arthur is torturing you with his details and numbers…"

On the word torturing I can't hold back sobs anymore. I'm sobbing in Eames' shirt and he kindly offers me a handkerchief. May be a minute later Arthur wakes up and says that I need a totem. I look up at Eames asking what it is. He explains that it's a small object which peculiarities only the creator knows. It helps to know if you are dreaming or not, if you're someone's toy or a puppy master.

"I need to go home," I said standing up. I didn't fall back from exhaustion, my legs aren't failing me and I instantly know that it's reality.

"Alright, don't forget to draw mazes," said Eames parodying Cobb and then winking at her. "Get some sleep, Bella, you look…"

I understand what he means. Grabbing my coat I exist the room and go home a different way, trying to think about that special object. I can't think of anything in the state I'm in and I forget about it, for now.

Walking in the bedroom, I fall on the bed and close my eyes, relaxing into the softness of my pillow and covers. I don't sleep. I can only switch off my mind and pretend to sleep.

Edward return close to midnight and I'm smiling at him, kissing his lips.

"I need to talk to you," I say leading him to the kitchen.

He's not pleased with this situation but he sits down and carefully listens to me.

"I was offered a job as an architect in a company. And I agreed. I'm telling you this because I don't want any secrets between us but you must know that the job won't take me away from you and Renesmee"

I'm trying to stay close to truth. But truth is an abstract conception as what is the truth for one, is completely false for another. But I'm trying my hardest to stay close to his truth and that's no easy thing, because Edward, I suppose, will always stay Edward and won't grow up to see that truth has different shades and colors, that truth is different from lie only by the amount of facts that is being hid.

Edward stands up and takes me in his arms, kissing the top of my head.

"Why? What are you trying to prove?" his question takes me by surprise.

And I'm trying to listen to my inner voice if Edward is right, if I'm really trying to prove something, but it's silent and I'm getting angry with him. Why doesn't he believe me? What is he trying to say?

"I don't understand, Edward, what are you implying?"

"We have money, Bella, we have our daughter, we have our family. There is no need for you to work. You can enroll into school and pretend to be a student, so we can be together. But instead you want to work. Why?" he really doesn't understand. And that hurts me, a lot.

"Do you want the truth, Edward?" I step back from him, my gaze is boring into his eyes and all I can think is my foolishness. I hoped that he will understand and accept, but in reality, he is just not of age to understand.

I go to another corner of the kitchen, come up to the window in hopes to see Charlie's car outside, but it's not there and it feels real. I'm not dreaming.

"You want the truth?" I look up at him from the opposite side of the kitchen. "Here it is. School is too small for me, I can't breathe there, I need air and space and… I need more than school. This world is too small for me, that's why I choose to work. Not because I'm trying to prove anything. The job is small, but it offers me difference from my everyday life. And it doesn't matter if you agree or not," I stare at him coldly, because he's trying to rob me of dreams. And I won't give that up easily. "I've already accepted the offer and signed the contract"

I turn around to go out but Edward catches my wrists and stops me from fleeing off.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… I'm sorry, alright? You know, that I love you?" he looks me in the eyes and I don't know what to say. But my truth will hurt him and I can't let that happen.

I smile softly at him and put my hands on his cheeks.

"I know, Edward. And I love you, too"

It's just his truth.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter summary: **The thing about family disasters is that you never have to wait long before the next one puts the previous one into perspective

**Chapter inspiration: **Paradise Circus – Massive Attack

**Words:** 2433

**A/N:** This is a Christmas gift for all those who are reading this story. Love Christmas! Love presents!

**READ AND REVIEW!**

It is Sunday and it is the only day I don't have any dreams to create. This day is devoted to my family, only my family.

As usual I visit Renesmee first, alone; Edward said that he will go later, because he wants to speak with Emmett about something. I didn't really listen to his explaining about the topic of the talk, partly because I wasn't interested, partly because he was talking nonsense.

I knock on the door of the Black apartment (yes, my daughter and Jacob are married, I know, she's still young, but… I know it's true love, their eyes are speaking for them, the way they move around each other, everything speaks that they are madly in love) and wait when someone will open the door.

Renesmee is the one who opens the door and she's in the nightgown and she hasn't had a shower yet.

"Well, you are lucky that your father decided to visit you later, he wouldn't be pleased with the sight of you getting out of bed with Jacob," I say stepping in and hugging her.

Renesmee blushes and I can only laugh. I'm no Edward; I understand how much sex means for the modern girl. Renesmee hugs me back and laughs too.

"So, my dear daughter, what have you been doing all the week except the obvious?" I say wiggling my eyebrows at her.

She blushes even redder and I'm suspecting that there is something more than just morning sex. Renesmee opens her mouth, but then closes it and stares at the floor, she twists her fingers and sighs once, and she then looks at me and once more wants to say something but then changes her mind. I look at my poor girl and take her hands in mine.

"Dear, you can tell me everything you want. You look so worried, something bad happened?" I'm starting to worry, really worry this time and it's not because Edward will throw a fir when he finds out what his baby girl is doing in the mornings.

I know my daughter pretty well to tell that she's not worried about small things, she won't twist her fingers only because she added one kilo to her weight or that she has bad marks in school (yes, she actually manages that).

"Mom, I'm sorry, I know how you're about this all and that you don't appreciate…"

She's rambling and that's never a good sign. Something must have happened or she wouldn't be so worried. Dear Lord, what's going on?

"Mom, Jacob and I, we're… we're having a baby…"

… What? Did I hear right? Is my baby girl pregnant? I will kill that mutt and murder Renesmee in cold blood for not telling me earlier. Oh, I gonna be a grandmother! And at such a moment I can't regret saying 'yes' to Edward. I have a beautiful, smart daughter and soon I will have a small werewolf-vampire-human grandchild and… Oh, I'm so happy!

"Renesmee!" I scream at the top of my lungs jumping to hug her.

But instead of receiving a hug, I look at my daughter who has shrunk back from me and looks at her mother like I gonna kill her.

"I'm happy for you, baby girl," I say to reassure that I'm not her father and won't explode after such a bomb has been dropped on me. "It's really a good day, and don't you…"

But Renesmee squeals and hugs me happily, she's holding onto me like I'm the only hope for her to survive in this cruel world.

"I thought you gonna flip, Mom, are you really not angry at me and Jacob?" she asks looking up at me.

I laugh her question off and kiss her forehead.

"Of course not, Renesmee, I'm your mother, the one who will always be by your side, I'm happy that I'll be a young grandmother, you know. I'm happy for you and Jacob, you deserve a family, your own family," I smile at her and give her a reassuring nod.

The rest of the day we spend talking about babies and her childhood, about what color is better for the room (because they really want to surprise themselves with the sex of the baby).

"You know, you should have told me sooner, I would have thought of something to say to your Dad." I tell Renesmee.

"Mom, I don't want to tell him on my own… He gonna kill us," she's trembling and I can understand her worries, but Edward is her dad, he will understand and I'm sure, he'll be a great grandfather.

"Renesmee, I'm sure, your father will be shocked, but he loves children, he'll be a wonderful grandfather. But it still doesn't explain why you haven't told me earlier"

Renesmee shrugs at my question and tells me that she found out last Sunday and that she didn't want to disturb me from my new job.

"How have you found out about it?" I'm really interested in this because she's not talked to me about it and my daughter can't read minds.

"Auntie Alice told me when she'd visited me this Friday after seeing the vision about pregnancy. She told me that you're working now and that she's not pleased with it. I don't know why she started talking about it, really weird," Renesmee smiles sheepishly at me. "So what about the job…"

But I'm bothered more than usual about Alice's behavior. How does she know about my job? It wasn't planned, at all. I didn't tell her about it. The only one except me who knew about this job was Edward and he wouldn't have told anyone about it, right? Maybe she saw me in one of her visions… That pissed me off, very, very much. She didn't have any rights to look into my life. Some pure excuse like 'I was worried for you' won't work this time.

I hug Renesmee goodbye after telling her to phone more often and drive to the Cullen household where the rest of the family is. I was greeted by Carlisle and Esme but I flew past them not really noticing, my anger was too great to overcome.

I found Alice in the living room chatting with Emmett. Rosalie was there too looking through one of her fashion magazines and not really bothering about anything.

"You!" I screamed after barely stepping into the room. "Stop looking into my life and future. I won't be so nice the next time. You don't have any rights to interfere in my life," I glared at Alice and waited for her excuse.

"I was just worried, you're starting to disappear from my visions, not like Renesmee and Jacob," Alice stopped to look at me and the continued. "I was looking for you when Edward told me that you're not answering his calls… I looked for you, but you weren't there… It was like seeing you stand in white room that doesn't have any borders, you were in white dress and your eyes were white…"

"Dreams," I whisper in realization.

Alice can't see me when I'm under. If she can't see me in the dreams, then I'm safe. Safer than I thought. And everyone else is safe; too, no one will know who I'm interacting with or what I'm doing. I smiled at the thought and beamed at Alice.

"Good. I hate when someone is spying on me. I'm telling you this one last time. Don't look for me in your visions, I'm warning you"

When I turned around still happy but very angry at her, I couldn't feel anything, there was just eternal numbness. I pushed the door to the lawn and went out. The need to punch something was great, but I was a grown-up and I really need to control myself.

"Need a smoke?" asked a voice behind me.

I turn around and there is Jasper sitting on the porch and smoking. He gave me a cigarette and a lighter. I took it from him and made an inhalation. I coughed.

"How can you smoke this rubbish?" I said tossing the lighter back to him and sitting down.

"Well, it's quite good if you don't want to talk with your wife who hates smoking and cheap things. A cheap smoke is even better than a shopping card to give me some space," Jasper told and looked up at the darkening sky.

I know that Jasper and Alice are fighting a lot, it's usually Alice who tells me all the details of her married life, because Jasper isn't one to complain. He's the type of guy who doesn't care about people's thoughts and feelings. And I'm really jealous of that. But if to look that way, Eames is more that type than even Jasper. And I'm not like that.

"What happened this time?" I look at him wondering what he has done wrong this time, because it's never Alice.

"I told her to leave me alone to read my book; she started telling me that I'm a bore and that it's better to spend time with someone else. I told her to go and spend it with someone else and she just flipped. I don't understand what is going on here, Bella. And I don't really care enough to start understanding this thing I for the last century called marriage. She is fun and fine before she opens her mouth…" Jasper is really passive about their fights. But it's his happiness and… I don't understand what is going on with Alice and Jasper but I want to find out.

"So you've fallen out of love with Alice," I asked, but it was really more of a statement than a question. I suspected that but to make a conclusion, I need to be one thousand percent sure.

"Yes, maybe it's because of that," he didn't even try to decline this. If Alice even heard him, I'm sure he would have been a dead man.

He looked at me when a wave of misunderstanding hit him. Jasper rolled his eyes and light up a second cigarette.

"I'm bored; I want something different than going to school every five years. She's too young to pass as a university student but it seems good enough when I'm playing a schoolboy. Sometimes I think that I'm caught in Penrose stairs…"

That hit me like a brick wall. I should have seen Arthur today at 5 p.m. but I completely forgot that with Renesmee and her baby…

"Oh, shit, shitty fuck!" I cursed reaching into my purse for my cell.

"You forgot something, Bella?" he asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"Yes," I said dialing Arthur. "He gonna kill me when he sees me next time," I muttered to myself.

I was unsuccessful in reaching Arthur, his cell was turned off and now it was complicated, well, shit. I looked at the clock and found out that it was 16:45.

"God loves me," I muttered to myself and look at Jasper. "And you love me too, right?"

He rolled his eyes and looked at his watch.

"Where do you need to be and what is your business there, sis?" he asked standing up and going towards the garage.

"Love you, J!" I exclaimed climbing into his sleek, black Mustang. "Here is the address and I need to be there in 15 minutes," I smile at him and try not to think of how fast we will be going.

"Alright," he sighs, "let's see your secret lover," he says after turning the engine on.

I gape at him with my jaw on the floor. How can he suggest something like that? Does he think that I'm cheating on his brother?

"You know, I'm not some…"

"Easy, Bella, just kidding. I know you, nun. Eternal happiness and love and devotion to Edward. I get it"

We're near the apartment building and I can see Arthur sitting on the bench under a tree and reading a fucking newspaper and drinking coffee. If I was some spy, I would thought that Arthur is just a man who is, oh, so tired after a day at work that he doesn't want to see his wife just now.

"You can stop here, Jasper," I told him. "Wait for a little, will you?"

He nods and looks around completely obvious to Arthur, he's looking for someone that has a mask on and whose posture screams 'I'm her lover!' I'm really sorry to disappoint him.

I walk to Arthur who is looking at his watch.

"You're on time and Eames didn't even show his face," Arthur is annoyed. Sometimes he fascinates me. One minute he's cold and uninviting and another he's my favourite nanny.

He gives me a big folder and explains that it's information on the mark that we're dealing with and a plan that have been accepted by Cobb, Eames and him.

"So I just need to build and roll on with your plan?"

"Yes, and Cobb told me to inform you that you're going with us. When you'll be building remember what I've been teaching you these last week and try to use it in your layout. I'll look on the scratches in the end of the week and I'll be waiting for an explanation," it's an order, he sound like my Dad when he's talking with his fellow policemen.

"Yes, sir!" I salute to him and he laughs along with me but then looks at me seriously like I did the most inappropriate thing ever and tells me:

"I hope you'll be ready for the exam, because I'm the strictest teacher you will ever come by"

We laugh and then I can hear Eames whistling.

"You know, darlings, I would have thought that you're flirting with each other, but knowing Arthur… You're definitely not flirting," his voice is all sweet and flirty.

Arthur throws the identical folder at him saying that he's better find a way to make the mark believe him and says that it's being awaited of him on Monday.

"You're really strict," I whisper to Arthur while Eames is pouting.

"You're such a child, Mr. Eames," I tell him. I kiss his cheek, and then Arthur's and then I walk back to the car.

I feel Jasper's eye on me and I know that he heard and heard a lot.

"Where to now, dearest sister?" he asks.

"Home, drive me home"

But home is somewhere else, not where he's driving me to. Home is where the heart is, people say. But I'm not sure where my heart is.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter summary: **There are random people who understand and those who don't understand at all even if you live with them under one roof. It hurts but not as much as I've thought before this started.

**Chapter inspiration: **My time – KORN

**Words: **1303

**A/N:** Happy New Year! Russia is amazing, but there is no snow in the town I'm staying. I hope there will be some the next week.

**READ AND REVIEW!**

We are on a job. Today is the day we're performing an extraction. I'm a little afraid that something will go wrong – my city won't be real enough, Eames will mess up, Cobb will mess up, some of Arthur's information will be wrong. There is so many ways the job may go wrong. But with the dread come excitement. I want this job to run as smoothly as it can but something tells me that the perfect plans are meant to fail. I hope the one who wrote the saying down will have a concussion and bit off his tongue so he'll never think of stupid things and have a chance to say them.

But I also feel guilty, very guilty for the fight Edward and I've had earlier in the morning. The words I've said are echoing in my mind, I can't help thinking over and over what if I've been gentler with him, but those cruel words don't disappear, no, they are like a broken record.

It was early in the morning, maybe 5 a.m. when Arthur called to say that the subject is in hospital and the operation will start in two hours. Edward was nearby and he heard everything. He asked me what was going on, I told him not to worry and that I was leaving for work.

"Why are you keeping secrets from me? What changed?" Edward took my hand in his and looked me straight in the eyes. But for some reason all I could see were not golden eyes full of love, but blue-green eyes that held certain fascination and so much life.

"I don't keep any secrets from you, Edward, please, don't even imagine it," I said smiling at him. I waited before his eyes would turn back to their usual warmth. "I need to go, Edward, I have work"

That was the moment he gripped my wrists tighter and his eyes were black.

"You're always working! What is going on there? " his words were angry, bitter, dark. But I felt so numb, so easy…

"Why should I tell you? You are the one who is always away. When did you last speak with Renesmee about her pregnancy? When did you visit Jacob and your daughter last? She misses you, and you're always away or you play strict daddy who she's afraid of. Even I sometimes miss you. I spend most of time not looking forward into our future, but looking back at out times in Forks, when we were so happy. What changed you?" I felt his grip on my wrists loosen and I stepped back away from him. "I'm out. I'll be back in the evening"

I stepped out of our bedroom and flew down towards the exit. I regretted telling him everything, but if I wanted to save our marriage, I must be more truthful with him.

"Bella?" familiar voice called me.

I looked up and saw Eames looking concern. He's looking seriously at me like thinking over something but then he smiles.

"So are you ready to go under?"

"As ready as I can be," I answer and smile in return.

Arthur and Cobb approached us from the back and Arthur led the way into the operating-room where the subject was.

It should be an easy job, the subject's wife wants to find out if he was the one who poisoned her father. When I heard that I was really confused about why's. She explained that she was the heiress to her father's fortune and that she was afraid that it was her husband who had poisoned her father and that she could easily be his next target.

I understand this woman. Love is lost somewhere in her marriage, but she's trying to survive, not to lose herself in the mess. But the question is if she's ready to risk herself to know the truth?

We went under and it went as easily as it could. The man was the one who killed the old man. When we opened our eyes to the white color of the operating-room, I knew that I awakened a new person, someone who knew too much about others' secrets.

"Who will tell Mrs. Simmer?" asked Cobb. "I don't think I'll be alright with it"

I looked down and thought about it. The woman will need a helping hand if she starts to cry. And who'll be better at that than another woman?

"I'll do it," I said. "You know the account," I said before standing up.

"Alright, we're taking a break, maybe two or three weeks, than Arthur will contact you"

I went out of the room and ten minutes earlier I sat down opposite Mrs. Simmer in the nearby café.

"So?" she asked looking at me. I saw her trembling, she was tugging her napkin and nervously biting her lip.

At that moment I wasn't so sure about me being the right person to tell her the news, but at the same time I couldn't imagine Arthur, Eames or Cobb at my place.

"Please, don't be silent!" she looked at me worriedly. "Please, what did you found out?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Simmer, but it was your husband"

She looked broken, she sniffled and then tears were falling down her cheeks like a waterfall. I went to her and hugged. It wasn't meant to be anything significant, but she hugged me back and started crying into my shoulder. I tried to calm her down by caressing her hair and back and maybe for someone we looked like lovers, but for me we were two women who understood each other.

"Mrs. Simmer, you've already known that your husband wasn't the perfect type, you just needed proof. And now you have it. What are you going to do about it now?" I asked her after she calmed down a little.

The blonde woman looked up at me and shook her head. She put her forehead on her arms and her hair fell around her like shielding from everything bad in this world. Too late, I thought.

"I must punish him for what he did to my life. There is no other way to deaden this pain"

It is only afternoon and I have nowhere to go for some hours, because I certainly don't want to go home where raging Edward is waiting for me. He needs to cool off a little and I need time to think over everything that is happening in my life.

Sitting down in the nearby coffee shop I order black coffee with ice-cream and cream. I love cream. It's sweet and gentle and has a good effect on me. But Edward can't stand the smell of crème or anything sweat… such a party-pooper.

Taking a small sip of coffee I smile and relax a bit. I look outside and watch passerby who are busy – someone is talking on the cell, someone is late somewhere and someone has no destination in their minds. Like I.

I don't have a plan for tomorrow; I don't have any destination that I should reach by the end of this year. I have a family, yes, that's right, but I lost everything that reminds me of warmth and… family. I feel so alone, so lost. I have dreams, but they are so unstable, so shaky… that I can't put my trust in them. And then there is my team. There are people who understand what I'm going through, or maybe only a part of it, but still they are much closer than my family will ever be.

And suddenly I want to talk with someone who's like me, who understands me. I dial a familiar number and wait for the familiar voice to answer. Minutes pass before the person answers.

"Hello, Bella. Long time no see"


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter summary: **__I saw something in your eyes… I wonder, what?_

**Chapter inspiration:** Saw Something – Dave Gahan

**Words: **1038

**A/N:** Thanks to my new Beta **kinziewriteslove.**

"Can you meet me at the coffee shop 'Les Editeurs'?" I asked looking out of the window.

He ended the call. But I knew he would come. He has to.

I've been waiting for him for ten minutes and he hasn't showed up so far. But I still hope that he will. Seconds bleed into minutes and I'm still waiting. Maybe, he won't arrive after all because I'm just a girl he knows from the job, I'm no one to him. It hurts, but just a bit, because I've never thought about being something else than just a girl.

My eyes focus on a bright spot in the crowd and I instantly know who it is. He arrives with a smile that makes dimples on his cheek appear and his eyes are bright and shining with something I don't know.

"Bella!" he shouts as he steps inside making the entire group of customers to look at him in wonder. Men frown upon him as he doesn't wear a suit and his hair is a mess. But women see him, they smile at him but he doesn't notice. And it's strange because he is the only man I know who can flirt 24/7.

I smile at him and wave while he is making his way through the crowded café. He falls down beside me and looks at me.

"You were sad on the phone, something happened?" he asked.

I shake my head.

"No, it's not that… I was just lonely, and I didn't want to be" I look up at him and a smile is stretching my lips.

He smiles too, no, the smile never leaves his face and it's so… easy for him to make me want to smile and laugh and be happy. He can even make Arthur smile and that says a lot.

"And you phoned the clown of the group, me?" he asks leaning in.

I laugh, because partly it's true. I knew that he would be able to cheer me up. But it wasn't the only reason. The strange thing is that I don't know the other reasons why I dialed his number.

"Yes. Exactly." I told him looking up.

At that moment he looks up too and there is something in his eyes… Something I've never seen in any other eyes. Something that makes him different from billion of other men. The smile on my face is slowly disappearing and being replaced by amusement and interest. He narrows his eyes at me, the smile disappears and he looks suspicious.

"Problems in Paradise?" he asks me still looking suspicious.

"No," I lie, "why do you ask?"

"Darling," he tells me with a look of pure amusement on his face, "I have a degree in psychology, I'm a forger, remember? I know when people are lying. So, care to share or did I abandoned my drink for nothing?"

I'm caught, I know it, I feel it. And I don't have a choice now but to tell. But I'm so afraid. What if he thinks of me as some unfaithful slutty shit? If I were still human I would be trembling right now.

I sighed in defeat. I want to tell someone so much, but I can't risk going to some psychologist in fear of Edward finding out. And Eames… he's here and I don't know him enough to be worried about Edward finding out his thoughts.

I rise from my seat and go towards the exit wrapping my coat around myself tightly. But I don't hear Eames following me. Looking back I see him still sitting in his chair and looking out of the window. Why doesn't he follow? What is he waiting for? My confidence in myself begins to shatter before I can even call him. But I found enough courage to shout his name.

"Eames! Are you coming?"

We're walking through the park and I'm telling him everything that is wrong in my life, minutes turn into hours and before I can register the time in my mind, Eames and I are standing on my favorite bridge looking at the scarlet sun.

I stopped pouring out my soul as soon as we stepped on the bridge, because it's my safe-happy place where I don't think about bad thinks, where I think only of those things that make me happy: Renesmee, coffee, dreams and thousands of other small insignificant things that make my life brighter.

The sun was slowly going down taking the last warmth from the city. I closed my eyes for the brief second allowing myself to bask in the remaining sunshine. I heard Eames' breathing stop and I hear him step closer to the barrier. I open my eyes only to find Eames looking up in the sky and his eyes held fascination with the scene in front of him.

"It's… unbelievable," he whispers not looking at me. "How did you…"

"It's simple," I say after remembering how I've noticed it. "People are always in a hurry, and I was too, but one day I just stopped and saw it. It fascinated me; it was like seeing something from another world, something that doesn't belong here. Too dream-like"

Eames' laughs at the irony of the situation and I can't help but smirk because it's too fucking funny not to.

"It's late," I say turning to him. "I need to go home"

He nods and stays with me while I'm trying to catch a cab. He leaves when I'm out of sight but I can hear him sigh and look up at the sky wondering where the light goes.

Today I saw something in his eyes and now lying in my bed without Edward or anyone else to see me, I wonder what that was? Was that emotions? And if so, what were the emotions in his eyes? Happiness, grief, understanding, interest, misunderstanding, hate, … love?

No, no, it can't be. He is human. Humans don't fall in love right away. Humans don't risk getting their hearts broken; at least I know that Eames isn't like that. Eames is different.

I saw something in his eyes and now I'm trying to guess what it is? Bella, he's only human, _he won't last._


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter summary: **And we ran in circles like a merry-go-round, we can't break the circle and stay unburned. Every broken circle results in a scar.

**Chapter inspiration: **Exogenesis Symphony Part 1 - Muse

**Words: **2307

**Author's Note: **I want to inform you that Bella is not me, she doesn't know everything, she tells us about what is going on like she sees and feels it. To cut short, we see the world through her eyes, so it doesn't have to be right or wrong… Enjoy.

**Thanks to the amazing Beta, **_**kinziewriteslove.**_

Two weeks later we meet again in the same warehouse. Cobb is looking over some plans, Arthur is setting up the PASIV and Eames is at my side in the blink of an eye.

"Hello, Bella!" his voice is deep and laughing and so-so happy like he's a child without any care in the world.

"Eames," I nod my head at him and he helps me out of my coat like a gentleman he is not. But it's Eames after all and everything he does he does without much thinking.

Cobb turns to us and asks us to go to the chairs that Arthur had prepared for us. Cobb explains that today we're playing a game of kill or be killed. The last one wins a day-off.

"Stop!" I look up at Cobb in surprise. "You're telling us that we must kill each other?" I look at Eames and Arthur who already have needles in their arms. "Oh, you're not serious?" I asked shocked. But something in their eyes told me that they are serious about the game.

"Bella," Cobb sits down before me and places his hand on my shoulder, "we must train so that we won't end up killed on one of our jobs. So are you in?"

'They really think that they are going to win, aren't they? Ha, I'll make them see who is boss here,' I think evilly while giving Cobb a nod.

I am in some sort of city, no, in the ruins of once magnificent city. The sun is going down creating an illusion of danger lurking around the torn buildings. There is a gun in my right hand and a small pocket knife in my left hand, but I want to kill them more efficient, so that they wouldn't want to play such a stupid game like this one ever again.

I'm moving through the city in search of my teammates, but they are nowhere in sight. Well, maybe they're killing each other and making my job a little less difficult. I first spot Cobb who is drinking tea in a small café. Going into the back door I kill one of the waitresses by snapping her neck and dress up in her uniform. I forge myself to look like her and go to Cobb.

"Some more tea, sir?" I ask him smiling and nearly smelling my victory.

"Yes, please," Cobb nods and smiles. Poor man doesn't even know what is going on. It will be so simple to take out my gun and shoot him in the head. But there is no fun in that, I will teach him a good lesson so that he will never think of playing stupid, merciless games.

I take his cup and go into the small room and in the process making a new cup of tea and a small bottle of arsenic, poisonous white powder that can kill a man in two-three minutes if there is enough of it in the cup.

I smile when I see Cobb gulping down the tea in swift movement and can't help but laugh and clap my hands once as he falls down on the floor gasping for air.

Moving next I see Eames sitting in the car and he surely sees me, but I don't want him to think that I've spotted him following me, no, I have plans for him. We're on the bridge going too fast to stop, but this speed allows me to finish him off as I turn around and my car hits his car. And I look at his car falling down the bridge into the water and then he is no more.

Arthur is the only one left, but I don't think that I have a chance against him in combat, especially in dreams where I don't have any supernatural abilities.

I look up at the windows in the building I'm walking by and I see his silhouette in one of them. I smile and cross the road towards the opposing one. Talking a sniper rifle I pace it near the window and shout at Arthur who is watching the street in the opposite building.

The victory is sweet, I'm not afraid now to be caught. I'm free.

I open my eyes to the bright light of the day and look at my shocked teammates who are still sitting in their chairs.

"Don't mess with girls," I say shaking my finger at them in a disapproving manner.

"You're… a natural," said Arthur after nodding at me.

And I can't help smiling, as it is the highest praise that can be given to a person. But the irony doesn't escape me; of course, I'm natural as I killed a lot of living beings with my bare hands… but never a human. And I dread the day when I will have to do that.

Cobb gives us a day off to collect ourselves and make sure that we don't break under the pressure of the situation thrust upon us. We must break into the mind of several humans known as Seven. The military ordered us to do the job without physical violence on our side. But we don't have to extract information; we have to make sure that they lose their memories about a certain operations that they've done years ago as the military's high-ranking officers. They don't want anyone to know the details of that secret operation. The Seven is one of the secret detachments in the military used for destroying terrorists and spies. I can't even imagine what horrors we will find in their minds, how many times has something of the sort been done to them? I'm afraid, I can't answer that question. And if we fail, I can't imagine the consequences of that, what will happen to our families and us? Will we survive if we're not successful to steal the memories of the Seven? The only good news that we've got that day is that we don't have to perform the purge on all of them at one time.

When I return home after the grave news I've got that day from Cobb, Renesmee, who has already a small round belly with a small baby inside it, meets me. I smile at her as soon as I see her and hug her back when she wraps up her arms around me.

"Mommy!" she squeals making everyone in the house aware that I'm back from work.

"Ren," I whisper hugging her closer and closing my eyes as I feel like I finally belong somewhere. And it's a great feeling.

"Bella!" I hear my brother running to me and grabbing me by my waist and spinning me in the air. I laugh, everything in me laughs, but my eyes.

He lets me go and I'm greeted by Rosalie who gently kisses me on cheek and I instantly hate this coldness between us but at the same time I'm grateful for that. Alice ruffles my hair and Esme hugs me like a mother she is, Carlisle smiles at me and asks about my day, but I'm so tired, so tired…

And it goes on and on and we're talking about pointless things, a lot like weather and what are our plans, where we want to move on next and it sickens me for we live by a plan we made ten years ago, and it always the same. Always.

By the time Renesmee and Jacob go to bed, Edward returns too and the greetings are repeated: Carlisle asks him about his day, Esme hugs him, Alice ruffles his hair saying that he looks terrible, Emmett hugs him and it's clear that he tries to squeeze him as tight as he can, Rosalie kisses him on his right cheek and there is something almost like hate between them. And I notice that Jasper is missing. Where is he, I wonder to myself? Where is the one who doesn't want to be a part this act?

I kiss Edward sweetly and before I can say anything we're heading to our house and after stepping in we go into different parts of house – he goes right and I go left. I don't realize that I'm out of the house before it's too late and I'm once again sitting on some rocks in the park not far away from our house.

"Your feelings are so easy to follow," says a voice from behind me as a shadowy figure parts from the tree. "What is troubling you, Bella?" he asks sitting down in front of me.

There is something in his eyes that makes me realize that he truly cares, that he knows what I'm feeling not because he possesses the power to feel others, but because he feels the same.

I sadly smile at him and shake my head not really bothering to hide that I'm lying to him, but Jasper is the only one in our family who accepts the person's want for privacy. And I trust him to do it now, too, because I'm too afraid to say anything.

"You know," he said taking my arms in his and looking up at me, "I would have let it go, if it wasn't so evident. As much as I loathe our family's traditions in everything, I respect Carlisle and Esme enough to ask you once more. What is going on with you, Bella?" His eyes bore in mine and I felt so weak, so small near Jasper that I wanted to cry at knowing that I'm so…

"Bella, you're not," he put a big, warm arm on my shoulder, "don't think like that, it won't do you any good, you should know better than being disgusted by yourself. I thought that the last time your thoughts were like that was before you tried to kill yourself?"

That's what I like about him. He isn't afraid of hurting me, he isn't afraid of making me uncomfortable. I admire Jasper for that ability and I cherish it in Eames. Maybe that's the reason that I like Eames, he is honest, after all, he's not afraid of hurting others in emotional ways and he doesn't really care about a thing in this goddamn world as long as it doesn't concern him. Yes, that's probably because Eames is the biggest bastard that I know.

"Tired?" asked Jasper cocking an eyebrow at me.

I look at him startled. Why did he say that? What did he felt from me?

"No, why?" I ask concerned. Maybe I'm projecting my emotions towards Eames and he mistakes annoyance for tiredness? He shakes his head as if saying that he won't tell me. Stupid brother.

"Did you major your chemical degree?" I ask him looking up at the sky.

"Yes, several days ago I graduated with the best marks possible," I feel him smirk and stand up also looking at the black veil above us. "And what about your job? Do you like it?"

"It's the job of my dreams. It's perfect for me"

He nods, understanding my feelings. He knows what I feel from his own heart.

"What are you going to do next, Jasper?" I ask him

He looks at me and grins like a fox that have been caught stealing hens.

"Army, I want to go back to the army and do something useful for France. Do you think it's going to make Alice scream?"

I laugh imagining what a tantrum she will cause but I can't really imagine Jasper in uniform.

"I want to see you in a uniform and it's worth Alice's tantrum even if she screeches like a cat," I whisper to him as if I'm telling him the secret of the century. He laughs shaking his head and it feels almost as if he's happy. Almost. In reality nor Jasper or I are happy, we're trapped in our family and we're trying to find a loophole for us to escape. For me the hole is my job, for him it will be the army.

"When do you want to tell them?" I ask once more turning to look at the sky.

"Tomorrow, I'm being shipped at the end of this month," he said gazing at the rocks behind us.

I turn to him, surprise clearly on my face. I can't imagine him gone, who will be there to hold me in one piece? Who is going to joke about Edward's hair, Renesmee's glares, Rosalie's stuck up look and Alice's stupid predictions? Who is going to be my rock, my friend when he is gone?

"You're home only for two more days… How long?" I say, my voice is barely a broken whisper heard at midnight.

He doesn't look at me; he avoids my gaze knowing that there is no hope in my eyes.

"Three month," he answers and he still doesn't look at me. And I can't look at him. He's going to leave… so soon, for so long.

I can't keep myself from parting my lips to catch some air in my lungs before I will start crying like a small girl, because it feel so shitty to be abandoned.

I feel him turning to me and his eyes watching over me, taking me in. I turn to him too and maybe that was the moment when I finally realize. Nothing happens out of nowhere.

He leaned in and kissed me on the lips and it felt so soft, so gentle, so good… so forbidden. And then he was gone leaving only his smell and a memory of the forbidden kiss behind.

And life is just like some merry-go-round, you can't stop it when it's on full force, you can't get off it because you'll be damaged in the process. And I try to do exactly that and I'm damaged in my own way


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter summary: **So, baby, tell me how it is to break and bend?

**Chapter inspiration: **Victim - Trapt

**Words: **2500

**A/N:** Here is the new chapter, this was a real pain, but I like the chapter. Enjoy! Don't forget about reviewing!

_9 hours later._

We're sitting in a circle, I'm facing Arthur who looks deep in thoughts, Cobb is next to me massaging his temples and Eames is singing something under his nose. But there is still so much silence that it nearly drives me insane.

"So… what are we going to do with the job? We have only two months to complete it," I told them gently trying not to disturb them because they seemed so… in peace. "We can't go in without at least a shaky plan"

Eames is worried, I can tell it by the way his eyes aren't smiling, how his arms are tense and his brow is just a little furrowed. To human eyes these small changes are insignificant but to vampires they can tell a lot. Arthur is still in his thoughts and I can see his mind work. And Cobb looked up and shook his head.

"I was thinking about it all night and I don't know. There are some ideas but they are just that – ideas. They are wrong" he looks at Eames as if he is waiting for Eames to answer all his questions and give him the perfect plan. "Have you contacted your past allies?"

"They don't know anything about erasing memories, they say it's impossible," shrugs Eames.

Out of the corner of my eyes I see Arthur slowly shake his head. I turn my attention fully to him and focus on his face. He's handsome, very handsome. But now his face is laced with regret and guilt and there is something in his posture (usually graceful) tells me that there is a burden he's carrying. And I understand.

"You did this" I tell Arthur looking at him with wondrous eyes.

Interesting. I thought Cobb and Arthur were always working as a pair but now…

Eames and Cobb are looking at him too waiting for an answer, which maybe they already know.

"Once," answers Arthur meeting her eyes. "Yes, I did erase memories from a person but I don't know if it was fully successful"

"What happened?" asks Eames beating me to it.

"It was a project in my training… I've never told anyone about it out of fear of being put behind the bars…" he turns to the window. Outside it is snowing and everything is so calm and peaceful, so white. "What began just as a mere project turned into obsession… I picked up a person blindly, found out everything I could about him" It must be a lot, a quick thought runs through my mind. "I did a lot of mistakes at my first try and I couldn't return to the version one, so I picked another one… That time it was successful. I went five levels down and started working there. First I messed up his mind, everything became unstable, so I kicked myself back one level up. I rearrange everything like I wanted but I was still playing with his mind and then on the third level I plunged myself on the sixth level…"

"Shit," curses Eames. "You're kidding…"

But I can see that Arthur is telling the truth. Jasper taught me good to indentify if the person is lying or not. Arthur doesn't lie.

"No, sadly, I don't lie. I messed up his memories there and clouded those that I decided to take with others that I'd created. On the first layer I checked if it was successful and yes, he didn't remember anything. It went good, but I don't know if he didn't remember anything in reality. What I'm trying to tell you is that we won't be able to find out anything after the job in dreams is done. We're going to be blind after we wake up"

"But it worth the shot," I said standing up. "So six layers and only four people? How we're going to pull it up?"

"We don't have to be kicked out of deeper layers, we can do it ourselves…" said Arthur pointing with his eyes to the gun.

I felt myself stop and stare at him.

"What? We will have to shoot ourselves?"

Eames nodded and then looked at me smiling.

"Look at the bright side, darling, if you do it in the dream, you won't do it in the real world!"

I groaned and looked up at the ceiling whishing for something heavy to fall on him and make Eames shut up about killing. I hate killing even if I am a perfect machine for that activity. Because everytime you kill you take piece of your soul and crash it into ash.

"It's the only way out when we have only us… And taking new people is too risky. We don't have enough time to check them" Cobb is right, of course, but that doesn't make things easier.

"We have to shoot our partners sometimes if we want to end their pain. Not many women are…"

That angers me more than anything. I stand up and look at him as if he's not there.

"I'll be alright, Cobb. I'll shoot you when you'll be suffering," I say smiling angelically and turn away from him.

"So… who are those people we have to erase from?"

"One of them is living in Seattle, he's economist. Another one is in London; he's a high society member. Then there are two in Hong Kong, they are brothers. Then there is two in Tokyo and one in Rome. More information in the files…"

I sit back and shake my head.

"Insane. Just pure insanity," I say still not believing that we're going to erase memories from seven different people in two months.

Eames smirks and winks at me.

"Tell me that" he looks so goddamn sure of himself that I can't help feeling annoyed. Picking one of the pencils on my desk I throw it at laughing Eames and the whole warehouse is shaking with laugher, even my victim. And who told that men and woman can't be friends?

Stepping in the house I hear Esme calling me into the living room and I instantly remember Jasper. Our kiss and his departure. I stop breathing and tears are welling up in my eyes and I feel so alone and so lost. I can't bear the thought of being alone and I stop walking leaning back on the wall to support myself. I clutch my chest and fall down to the floor without making a sound so that my family won't suspect anything.

I look up at the ceiling and can't keep horrible images out of my head. Why does Jasper want to go back to army if he has seen so many horrible things so many years ago. Why does he leave me arching? Who will be my refuge when he's gone?

Dreams, a sudden thought comes to me out of nowhere. Eames, whispers my heart. Arthur, tells me my mind. Cobb, remind me my eyes. Dreams… No one but me has a chance like that. I close my eyes and I can't stop smiling. Only once in the lifetime you can get a chance like that, no one will be able to take that away from me. And I still need to make my totem…

I walk in a minute after apologizing for being late.

"How was your work?" asks Jasper looking up at me.

I smile at him kindly.

"Shitty," I answer falling down near Edward.

"What happened, love?" Edward wraps his arms around me and kisses my head.

The hot hate flared in me as his lips touched me but I smiled even if I hated every minute in his arms. Why is that that hate comes out that easily but love gets lost through years?

"What is going on?" I ask as if I'm completely unaware what is going to happen.

"I can't see anything," shrugs Alice. "So no one knows" she looks at Jasper angrily. "Maybe you'll tell us now that everyone is present"

I seat myself comfortably in the sofa and prepare to enjoy the show. Jasper looks at me and I nod trying to give him a little confidence that is still burning in me.

"I've found a job," said Jasper standing proud and holding his head high.

"Oh, another admirer of spending free time working," moaned Emmett glaring at Jasper. "And what are you going to do? Give people advices on their little fucked up lives?"

"Emmett, language," scolded him Esme. She turned to Jasper and looked at him wonderingly. "Dear, what are you going to do?"

"Emmett's guess is as far away as it can be from my choice of job,…" he smiled a little to himself. "I signed a contract for three month with French military… I'm being shipped tomorrow in the evening"

Alice screeches and jumps up.

"What! How can you? Don't you dare to go away," she said pointing her finger at Jasper.

God, she's his wife but she treats him like a possession. What is wrong with her? What is wrong with our family?

"I can't change anything even if I want to. And I don't want," says Jasper like cutting. "I hope you understand"

"But we don't, Jasper," whispers Rosalie. "First Bella, now you… what is so wrong with going to school and being home?" she asks throwing her hands in the air. "Aren't you happy with just being here with your family?"

I can't help but laugh out loud at how true is that. But as soon as I calm down I look up at the family and surely they're all staring at me like I'm insane. Maybe I am.

"What are you looking at?" I ask them and it sounds rude, too rude for my liking but right now I'm past caring about such small things.

"You're laughing…" says Alice like she's talking with some idiot.

"No shit, Sherlock," I snap at her and glare. "Are you that blind? Don't you see it? No one is fucking happy in the bullshit we're living in. And stop pretending that the everyday mantra makes you so fascinated every time you live it. Aren't you bored out of your wits? I am!" I can't control myself anymore and when I realize what I'm saying it's too late because they are looking at me with open mouths. I look at them in shock. "Excuse me," I mutter before I go out of the living room to the front door and out.

I run down the stairs and sit down on the bench in front of the house. Have I just told the whole family what I think? What is going on with me? Am I out of control?

I hear the motor roar before I see the car, but I can tell that someone is coming and fast. I stand up from the bench and look towards the coming car. Bright red Ferrari with black flames comes into view and I shake my head. It's surely not Cobb, his type prefers European family cars. It's not Arthur, he has white Audi. Well, that leaves only Eames. Everything is like he prefers – fast car, bright colors… Well, you'll know when you come across Eames. He stops nearly hitting the tree and comes out.

He smells of scotch and gunshot and blood… his blood.

"Brought you papers, Bella," he says giving me a blue folder. "Arthur works fast"

But I throw the folder on the ground and take Eames' face in my hands.

"What happened? Are you hurt?"

"Yeah, had to throw off a tail… Had a little fight and a few drinks… the usual" he shrugs and winces in pain. "And I won't go into hospital"

"No, no," I sat him down on the bench and he winces once more. "Eames, I'm going to take you back to your house. Give me address, Eames… don't fall asleep, alright?"

I give him a smile as if to reassure him that everything will be alright.

"It's somewhere in the car written on a paper… It must be there…"

I groan and put him at the passenger sit swearing. He wasn't heavy, at least for a vampire, but he smelled of blood and it was quite delicious. I saw Esme and Alice look out of the window and seeing everything that I do. There will be a lot of questions when I return. I pick up the folder from the ground and make my way to the driver's side. Sliding into the car, I see Edward running out of the house.

"Shit!" I mutter.

"Your husband looks like his hair is burning," jokes Eames and I can't help smiling. He's joking even if he's in pain. Stupid man.

I start up the car just in time to get away from Edward. And that moment I feel like a real rebel. Screw everything; I'm saving Eames from bleeding to death. And I don't feel guilty about running out on family. They deserve this.

It's a little messy in his house but it feels so homey. I can't resist looking around a little before returning my attention to Eames. I put him on the sofa and take care of his wounds and he's telling me a story that he heard from his mother and it's alright because he's hurt and he doesn't want to admit it to me. But I know and he knows that I know and it makes him miserable.

"Were you fighting with your husband?" he asks looking at me worriedly. "Won't he flip when you return?"

"I won't return for a while, I'll stay with you, if you don't mind, of course," I say looking down at the floor that is covered with white Persian carpet. And the whole living room is so stylish, it doesn't look like Eames at all but it's still nice.

"My family's summer house. We used to come to Paris for a few weeks every summer," he explained to me. "And why have you moved to Paris?" he asked.

"We needed a changed… so Paris was picked out by my sisters… And the rest of the family went along with the plan" I say to Eames looking around.

"But now you're fighting with them?"

"Eames, you know, sometimes it's just too hard to keep all of your feelings within you. I… couldn't do it. And I snapped…"

"What was the reason?"

"My brother is going into army, he and I… we are always running from problems, we're looking for escape… I found mine in dreams, he found his in army…."

"You are close," states Eames looking suspicious.

"He's my brother-in-law, so it's not really against the law," I smile watching his lips curling into a smirk.

"You're… I don't have words, shit, no one will believe that our goody-two-shoes Bella is seeing her brother-in-law… You know, even I can't believe that, and I did a lot worse… Hm, what else are you hiding, dear?"

I wink and smirk, shaking my head.

"That, Mr. Eames, you'll never know"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter summary: **Because it doesn't matter what, I'll always return here. I'll always return to those who need me

**Chapter inspiration: **If I was your vampire (Instrumental) – Marilyn Manson

For the first time I'm not afraid. I'm sure that I'm doing the right thing and who cares if it is going to hurt someone? I did care for a long time but now everything changed…

I walk in the hangar and immediately see Jasper standing near the wall, alone. Every other man is surrounded by their family. And the Cullens abandoned Jasper. What is wrong with that fucking family? Are they really blind?

I close his eyes with my hands and whisper in his ear to guess who it is. He laughs and turns to me smiling brightly. He has a uniform on which makes him look as if he had a Vogue photoshoot.

"You look stunning," I tell him still checking Jasper out. He shakes his head in joking manner.

"You look relaxed…" he notes without a hint of a joke. "Had a good night?" he asks smirking.

"No, well, not what you're thinking, Mister. He's just a friend… and he knows how to cheer you up without fucking, you know," sarcasm lacing my voice and I roll my eyes instinctively. "I hope, you have a good holiday, just don't get yourself in tight situations, make some human friends and enjoy your time, and please, don't forget to call, I'll miss you," I give him instructions hugging him around the waist.

"Yes, Mom," he joked hugging me back. "I will be your little goody-two shoes boy and won't make others cry…"

I look up at him and wink.

"You know calling me mother when I have such thought in my head is a little too much…"

Before Jasper can answer, I stand up on my toes and kiss him on the lips holding onto his shoulders. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and my tongue clashes with his for dominance. I step back as I feel them coming closer. He smirks at me and hugs once more and we play a perfect little sister-brother relationship.

Edward comes into view first and I step back allowing him a moment with his brother. Edward claps Jasper on the back and gives him advices (orders). And Jasper doesn't really listen. He doesn't like being ordered around and of course he can feel Edward's intentions. Then Carlisle and Esme come in and Alice is trailing behind them and there is an expression of utter annoyance and frustration on her face. She really can't pretend, little bitch. Esme is sobbing and hugs Jasper nearly crushing him in her death grip and maybe Esme is the only one who cares about her family enough to care to find out what happens with her children. Carlisle gives an advice – try not to be around blood – and he doesn't care that his son maybe offended by this words, no, all Carlisle cares for is his own fucking peace. Because if Jasper snaps Volturi will come for Carlisle because Jasper is an experienced fighter and he can avoid Jane's attacks. I'm sure he'll kill a lot of them before they bring him down. Rosalie walks into the hangar like she owns the place and she doesn't even want to pretend like she cares what is going on with Jasper and why he wants to leave the family even if it just for a little while. Slut. And Emmett – the blessed idiot – he is a good brother, he wants his family to stay together, but he doesn't know how to make us all love each other as he loves us (and every other being on this planet).

I watch Jasper go and I know, that everything will be fine, at least with him, because I have an angry husband to face, an angry slut to listen to her bitching and pixie that really needs to grow up and take off her pink sunglasses. I turn around and face them without fear, without regret. I'm happy as I am.

"Had fun?" snarled Edward and I roll my eyes.

Got, Edward, grow up! Stop being the fucking child from a century ago and become a normal grown-up who knows how to loosen up and smile.

"Explain what do you mean by fun and I'll tell you. You want to know if I fucked someone? No, I didn't. The man you saw yesterday is my friend and colleague. And he's smart enough not to make moves on me because I'm married. Forgot that?" I glare at him and brush past not really wanting to deal with him.

What kind of husband will question his wife about her cheating on him when his whole family is around? Edward doesn't respect himself at all, does he?

I exit the hangar and hail some cab.

"Where to, Miss?"

"42, *** Street"

It won't hurt to be bad for some time. I miss something I've never had, but now I feel that it's time to claim everything I want. But he's the one deciding my fate now. The taxi stops near the house and I get out going up the stairs that lead to the door. I knock three times and I can hear his steps coming closer.

He opens the door and stares at me like I'm a ghost.

"I thought you're seeing off your brother…"

"I was," I agree. "but now I'm running away from my angry husband and I thought about going here if you won't kick me out"

"I won't," he says and pulls the door wide open. "Come in, want a drink?"

I shake my head, maybe I want to bend rules but not about drinking. I hope the evening will be full of life like Eames… maybe I'll even ask him to teach me how to play cards… Yes, I'll do just that.

I throw my head back and laugh stepping into the warehouse, Eames is right next to me and he tells me the story that happened to him awhile ago. It looks as if it's his unluckiest holidays because Eames there isn't the good guy nor he wins in the end. He is laughing too, maybe because he knows how ridiculous the story is or maybe he remembers visiting doctors after the fight in the bar.

Arthur is the only one in the warehouse already working on his computer and searching and searching and searching and he only nods at us with suspicious eyes but the look is gone and he's already back to searching. I head off to my place and start sketching a few ideas I got for the second layer. By the time Cobb strolls in, Eames is messing with Arthur's papers and looks at mine but if he touches them I'm going to kill him. That I promise and it doesn't matter how much I like him.

Another hour passes and Arthur puts his coat and goes out without telling anything to anyone. Typical Arthur. I just hope that he will buy some strong, hot coffee at his way back because I'm dying to drink something… water, tea but better coffee or blood….

I feel a tug on my ponytail and I instantly know who it is.

"Eames, what happened?"

"I forgot to say thank you for helping me with injuries…. Well, thank you," he smiles at me like a fucking Cheshire cat and then winks.

I groan and try to concentrate on my job but… it became a little hot here and I can feel eyes watching me. Damn him for knowing how to read people. Thanks God, I don't blush anymore….

I can hear Arthur's steps, heavy and ungraceful… He's panting and it feels like there is blood, but not his. Yes, there is blood on his arms, I can smell it. I stop breathing immediately still not trusting myself around exposed human blood. I don't wait for him to show up in the door but I go for a towel and drown it into water. When Arthur walks in I give him a towel without Cobb noticing and I see his Adam Apple move like he's gulping nervously. I smile reassuring him that I'm not angry or disgusted by his actions. I understand him. It's his work, he has to get the information we need any way he can and torturing is one of them. I don't like it, I don't like torturing or killing, but it's o'kay, because I know that I won't end up killed in the dream or in coma in reality, because Eames told me about humans getting hurt in the dream but not killed and that they blacken out there and never wake up in this world.

Returning to work I wonder who was killed and how many tried to kill Arthur. But I know that he'll tell us in time. I trust Arthur enough to keep us safe.

I return home at midnight when I'm sure that Edward is sleeping and won't wake up. And he doesn't. I slip into our bed near him and I understand that even if I don't belong here and my heart is arching for something else… I'll always be needed here for the family, for Renesmee, for Jacob. And I will always come back because Edward is my vampire.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter summary:** People mess up, clean their messes, only to mess up once again. But in the process of cleaning down, you can cut yourself so deep that the pain will stay with you like a reminder that sometimes it's better to accept.

**Chapter inspiration:** Do it Again – The Chemicals Brothers; Your biggest Mistake – Ellie Goulding.

**Words:** 1903

**A/N:** Guys, SORRY! I'm one lazy ass, but the new chapter for "Desires" is going to be posted… soon, and I'm starting a new story "Labyrinth". One more thing… this chapter is a real pain, all this time I've been thinking about the story and sex – I don't want to turn it into some porn. There would be minimal mentions of sex. Enjoy!

We are sitting in the bar. Just the two of us.

I finish my second drink and look at Eames. He is so close. I can reach out my arm and he's there.

He touches my knee and it's so pleasant and before I can control it, passion is consuming me like waves. We leave together and end up at his home.

Our hands fly on each other's bodies as we are kissing passionately…

I wake up from the realization that the arm around me is not as cold as it must be. I turn around and my eyes fall on the neck of the men whose arm feels so nice. Then I look up and it's Eames… No, no, it can't be happening, not him…

I jump up from the bed and rush to get the clothes – I'm moving on vampire speed, it doesn't matter if he sees because he won't and we were so drunk yesterday…

My thoughts are just all over the place, I can't concentrate on my shirt, and I can't button it up properly because my hands are shaking and the realization of what I did, of what it can result into…

I run out of Eames's house and catch a cab. Giving the driver the address I lean my forehead against the window of the car and I can't help a heavy sigh escaping me.

I've never dreamed that I would cheat on Edward… the thing with Jasper… it was fun and all, but now… I don't know what to do, how to react to Edward and Eames. What shall I do? All those questions swirl in my head and I'm sure if I wasn't a vampire, I would have a headache right now.

Renee always said that women know what is best for them. Well, I don't know what is best for me. It is like in those stupid movies and cartoons – the leading character, an angel and a devil. If I wasn't already so childish in my decisions, I would have thought that I'm mad.

I understand everything that my other halves are telling me. A good one, an angel, is trying to bring shame on me, to understand that I've done a bad thing. Do you know who this angel reminds me of? Yes, Edward.

"_You are just a misunderstood woman… No one will be angry with you if you tell them everything right now… Edward will forgive you and the next century you'll spend with your husband, because it's right. Somewhere deep down you still love him,"_ whispers the angel on my right shoulder.

I snorted. Really? Love is long gone. Love isn't enough to make a relationship, a marriage last. He doesn't respect my wishes, my decisions, my wants and needs. He sees me as who I've been when we first met – a shy girl, a teenager. I pleaded with him to change me when I was still the same as he was – a child. But then life happened and I'd changed. He doesn't see me for who I am, he sees Bella Swan, a human girl who blushes and can't walk straight…

He's blind. Then why am I still with him, by his side? Why? The answer is simple – family and Renesmee. I love them and I can't picture my life without my beautiful daughter who understands me, who loves me. I can't imagine my future without Esme and Carlisle, Emmett… But I sure as hell can do well without Rosalie and Alice. The blonde bitch and manipulative, spying gnome. And Edward… maybe if he was more at home, loved me more and gave me more attention… then maybe I would have loved him just as much as I did when I was human. I don't really know anymore. And Jasper… while he's with Cullens, I don't see him as one. He loves them in his own way but… he left without any doubts. He's my brother and somewhat of a rock that will always be there and help me…. As much as I hate turning people into toilets for bad emotion, I love when Jasper comforts me and listens to me.

"_Don't listen to that spoilsport. That idiot doesn't even know what is fun and happiness. All he knows is the word 'right'. It's his favourite. He even sits on the right shoulder, so forget about him and listen to me. And you want some happiness for yourself, don't you? Just go back and do it again, again and again. It won't hurt, darling,"_ said the devil on my left shoulder.

"_I'm totally crazy talking with myself… That's not good. Bad Bella! But what if my bad half is right? What if… But I can't hurt my family. They love me, I can't disappoint them. I can't disappoint my daughter. I didn't want things to turn out like this. Oh My God, what have I done? All I wanna was a little fun… "_

"Miss, we're here," said the driver.

I pay him and climb out. Here I am, standing in front of my daughter's house…

"Mom?" she looks sleepy and enormous.

When did she get that big? She looks like six-month pregnant.

"Mom… what's the smell? Smells like… So you and dad are o'kay, right?" she asks me with joyful eyes.

"No, Renesmee, you dad and I are not alright…"

Renesmee's mouth opens in shock and then her eyes become huge.

"You couldn't… You couldn't cheat on Dad. Mom, tell me that it's not what I think," she begs me.

But I don't want to lie to the only one who can understand me. Besides Jasper, she's the only one in the family who can accept me as I am.

"I'm not your father to know what you're thinking, Renesmee," I smile at her.

"Mom, don't play with me now! I always knew that it would happen. Tell me, you and Uncle Jasper?" she looks up with eyes filled with determination to get all the answers for her questions.

"No, if you remember, he's in the army," I say looking relaxed and calm. "And you know that it's not Jasper's scent that you can smell…"

"Human…. You slept with human!" she exclaimed shocked. "It can't be… How could you! What if Volturi will find out! You risked the family's safety!"

"Renesmee, Volturi won't find out because they are in Italy and we're in France and I'm not planning on telling him who I am"

"You don't understand, mother! You just don't understand! They'll know anyway, I can't risk my safety and my child's safety! You don't understand"

"Ren, stop screaming," I say calmly.

I am always that one who doesn't understand. I'm always the one who puts her family in danger but then again I don't plan on that, it's just happens. My life is just a big 'happens'.

"Do you want to know why your Uncle have left and why I have a job?" I look at her coldly, to my own surprise, my thoughts are organized once more, and I don't want to sob or apologize.

"To fuck who you want?" she bit back at me. "You fuck some human and Uncle Jasper ran away from his wife to some man?" Renesmee reminds me of Rosalie. She has too much of Rosalie in her to speak calmly with me.

"No, Renesmee, it's consequences of running away from the monotone life we have had. When we're small kids, we love everything and everyone, while growing up we lose interest in some things and when we grow up we only have a couple of things we hold dear. Your Uncle and I grew up, we don't need school, expensive toys, people to admire us, we've burned out…"

I breathe out and close my face with my hands. I stay like that for a moment and then look up at Renesmee.

"Your Uncle is different from other vampires. When he was 17, he enrolled in the Confederate Army and he was turned while the war was still raging all around him. He became a Vampire to fight… to kill. Jasper fought and killed for century before he turned to more peaceful way of living… but the call of the war and fighting is too strong to resist. He was unhappy and when the opportunity came by he got on a bandwagon. War is a drug, Renesmee, Jasper is an addict and it doesn't matter how hard he tries to become a Cullen, but the truth is he'll always be Major Jasper Whitlock"

Renesmee looked doubtful but she nodded accepting what I've just told her.

"And you, Mom? What are you addicted to?"

"Do you want the truth? Freedom. I want as much freedom as I get. And your father doesn't like freedom. He loves his life to be predictable; I, on the other hand, want it to be full of surprises, twists and turns. I was a human teenager when I fell in love, Renesmee, he was amazing, he _is_ amazing, but I've changed. I grew up"

I smile a little at her as she comes up and sits near me.

"I don't understand a lot, Mom. But I'll try. I understand that you want to be happy. I just don't understand why you can't try to be… Argh! I'm so confused!"

I hug Renesmee around her shoulders and kiss her on the head.

"Don't worry, baby girl, one day you'll grow up, too"

"I don't want to grow up like you. I don't want to fall out of love with Jacob. We're having a baby…"

"Maybe he'll be that thing you would love. Who knows?"

I walk out of there quite sure of myself but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm confused, just like Renesmee.

_God, forgive me._

I return home only to find all lights turned off. I look at my watch, it's four in the morning. Edward must be at his precious hospital. Maybe he grew up too, unnoticed by everyone and just tries not to show that by hiding in the hospital. It doesn't matter.

I don't fall asleep nor try to do it. I dress for the day ahead and collect my bag – pencils, my album, my cell. And soon the sun rises over the city and I go to the warehouse. To my surprise Eames is already there standing by the window near Arthur's desk and there is coffee in his hands and he looks as if he hasn't slept at all.

"Bella," he nods my way.

"Eames"

We lock our eyes and at that moment I feel as if I could read him – there is no poker face, he doesn't wear his usual smirk. It's like I see _him_ for the first time.

"Eames, what happened this night, I don't think that we should ever repeat that," I force a smile on my face and look right at him with a cold, emotionless eyes.

"_I'm so sorry, Eames, so sorry. Convince me. Tell me that you want me; tell me that we should do it again. Just say that!"_

"Yes, I know. You have family and I… agree with you," he nodded and turned around.

What we are running from? We both know that we have feelings for each other and we're still running. Running from our problems and more important from each other.

And my heart breaks, slowly but surely.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter summary:** War is a drug

**Chapter inspiration:** Butterflies and Hurricanes – Muse; Film "The Hurt Locker"

**Words: **960

**WARNING:** It Jasper's POV! Contains violence.

It is freedom. It is life. It is me.

For hundred years I killed and drank human blood. After such a long time, living in peace and drinking animals became unbearable. And now when I'm back in my element I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

It doesn't bother me that everything I feel from humans is wrath, hate, agony and depression. It doesn't matter that I feel all those emotions million times harder than them, because when I'm in a battle, I feel adrenaline rushing through me, bringing me to ecstasy.

It is just like the last time. I rise through ranks quickly. I have some friends, more teammates. We work in team of three. I'm a sapper. Carl Williams is our specialist. And Frederick Green is a sniper.

Another mission is complete and we're sitting in Green's room and drink cheap beer, the only thing available here.

"Hey, Williams, do you have a girl?" asked Green sitting up.

"Yeah, I have a wife and a son. And I can't wait to return to them"

"Then why did you go in the army?" I can't understand him. If he wants to return as soon as possible then why is he here in the first place?

"My grandfather has been in the army for 20 years, my father has been in the army for a long time and now it's my turn," he shrugged and opened a new bottle. "And why are you here? Don't you have a family, a girl?" he looked up at me.

Green turned to me, too, awaiting for the answer. What to tell them? Hey, I'm a very old vampire, I have a family and they're vampires, too, my wife is a bitch. There are three reasons to come here: first, I hate my boring life, second, I hate my wife, third, I love killing. They would think that I'm mad. Well, I am.

"I have a family. Foster parents, my twin, who is a real bitch, then my adoptive brother, my sister's husband and my adoptive brother's wife and their child… I have a wife but she's too difficult to be around and I think that she has already signed the divorce prepares while I'm here… And I'm here, because it's different," I say studying closely their feelings.

To my surprise, they understand, accept as it is and don't ask questions.

"And what about you, Frederick?"

He has a girl who he loves from school years and he came here in hopes to forget her because she's married. Yeah, I'm not the only fucked up guy here. That's calming.

In the morning there is a siren ringing through the base. A man runs in the room and without stopping reports about a bomb in the center of the city. They're asking our team to go there and solve the problem.

Problem… No one really calls things their own names. Why bother?

Riding through the ruins of once magnificent city I think about all those moments that I nearly failed, but in the end I always managed to do my job…

It's clearly a war zone. The smell of rotting bodies is so strong that even humans can smell it. Rats are running through the streets, litter and ruins of buildings are lying on roads, people are watching us from their balconies. Why are they still in the city if there is a war raging on?

I will never understand those stupid humans. Don't they value their lives? Idiots.

"Green, give me the coordinates," I say moving forward through the street.

"The coordinates are the same, Jasper"

I nod and move stealthy down the street. Ruins, dirt, dust, blood. Shattered, broken, destroyed.

"Are you sure you've given me the right coordinates, Green?"

"Yes, something's wrong?" his voice sounds quite sure, maybe it's I who is mistaken.

"No, no, everything's alright"

I open the door of the rotten house and step in. It's dark and it seems as if no one stepped inside for ages. Strangely the drawers in the kitchen are lying on the floor. Looks like someone was here or maybe even still in the house.

The door to the basement is opened and there are screams. Pain and pleasure wash over me burning marks into my mind. What is going on? As I come closer to the door, screams are becoming louder and louder, there is laughter and whispers, pain becomes number, but the pleasure becomes unbelievable.

When I break in the room, it smells of blood, but after so much time around it, it hardly calls for me to claim it. The smell comes first, but then there is a horrifying picture of pure sadism and madness.

There is a man – no older than 25. There is another man – 40 or 45 years. The thing is that the first man was lying on a table with his hands tied to the different sides of the table. He was ghostly pale, unnaturally thin and there were tears and so much despair… He was white and had the USA army uniform on. The other man was 'the enemy', standing above them with a scalpel that was covered in blood. As I looked closer there were two missing fingers on the soldier's right hand…

I emerged from the house with a man in my arms. He was so light and dying. I hope I would be fast enough to reach hospital.

xxx

"Sergeant Whitlock, Colonel Foster requests your presence"

I step in the Colonel's office and salute him. There are two men in black costumes and in bulletproof vests. Oh, CSI? They don't take off bulletproof vest even in the safe zones. Pathetic.

"Sergeant Whitlock, what do you know about dreams?"


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter summary:** Life is too short to make it longer.

**Chapter inspiration:** Vaux – Are you with me; Goo Goo Dolls – Iris (Titles).

**Words: **1043

Half lit bar. Smoke in the air. Smell of alcohol is filling his nostrils, and the liquid filled his throat making it burn pleasantly. It felt good. No, it felt better.

He should have fought. He should have tried to stop her from exiting the room that day. But he didn't. And he regrets. She holds a certain power over him, at first he couldn't believe it, then didn't want to believe it because he was a free bird, but he can't avoid the truth now. He fell for her. She held that certain _something_… and he fell for her like a fool, a boy that he wasn't. And now she no longer wanted him. Well, at least he knew how all the women abandoned by him felt.

He would have fought, but the thing about her was that she was married. And married meant problems. And he was a coward.

Suddenly his phone rang.

* * *

She is sitting in the restaurant with her whole family. Jasper is back and he is smiling, truly and radiantly. Army did him good.

She was dressed in a chick floor-length black dress and white fox fur was thrown upon her shoulders. Her hair was done in gentle waves and a natural make-up on her face.

However, while her face smiles, her soul suffers. Her mind and heart stay on Eames. And she still can't understand how can she still think about betraying her family.

But hasn't she already done it? With dreams? She had never got around telling them about her job. No, her life from 8 o'clock in the morning till 6 o'clock in the evening is a secret to them. Twice a betrayer.

They talk about the upcoming wedding of Renesmee and Jacob. They talk and talk and talk, they discuss colours and flowers and guests. Over and over and over again.

"It was such a disaster! Renesmee chose violet for me, she knows how much I detest the colour, she did it only to spite me…" laughs Rosalie with a fake voice.

"However we were fast enough to find an amazing dress. Rosalie saw one of my designs… together we had created something amazing from the ashes," Alice's voice is so sweet and charming and luring that Bella wants to gag. When it is too sweet it turns out bitter.

Her gaze falls on a girl and her mother two tables away. And her smile vanishes from her head, she stares at the scene in front of her, looks and looks. In the end, maybe, she will see herself.

The girl is no older than nine and it seems for a brief moment that the girl is caged just like her. The girl's mother tells her about an upcoming party and then strictly orders her to sit straight. And the girl is so obedient. She sits up straight and puts a napkin on her knees and acts so grown-up. But the girl steals a longing glance at the children playing outside while her mother is ordering drinks. And at that second Bella wonders about the girl's thoughts. Does she want to escape the prison she has been put in since her birth?

Eames's last words echo through her mind, his whispered words thrown in her back.

_They've got you trapped. In the end you will die because the fire in you is going to burn out if you don't break free_

But from age or illness Eames will die. That's the beauty of human life. They treasure every minute, every second – because it can be the last for them. But if she has chosen to go with Eames, what will happen two years in the future? Will Eames still love her?

She is afraid of change, she realizes, not of unknown. What if Eames abandons her in 5 years? She will have no family, no one to go to. What if Eames grows up too much, too fast? She will become a burden to him. And that stops her.

But life's so short. She looks at the girl. She is losing the precious years by listening to her mother. Can it be that twenty years will pass and this same girl will be sitting somewhere and lecturing her own daughter?

What a fool! If she had just waited a little, she would have seen the reality of the world. And maybe if she hadn't been changed, she would have been with Eames somewhere in the world building their future? And she would have grown old and wrinkled by Eames's side. They would have had children – and their children would have had their own children and the story about Eames and Bella would have been her granddaughter's favourite bed story.

"Bella? Bella?" someone is calling her. Who is that? What do they want?

She raises her gaze to look at the boy in front of her – golden eyes and red hair.

She looks at the vampires in front of her and hates them. So much! If they hadn't appeared in her life or if they hadn't returned, life would have been different. She would have been human, happy and may be even with Eames!

She's wasting his life, their chance, her love for nothing. And life's too short to make it longer. She can have 10 years with Eames and be happy and follow him into death. And they'll surely meet again – on the other side.

And she stands up and rushes out of the restaurant. She doesn't respond to her family's calls. Nothing matters now. She's on the hunt. The hunt for Eames.

* * *

It's dark and smoked. It smells of cheap beer and gin. Her dress doesn't fit here, but she does, at least her inner world. She spots him instantly. He's sitting with a bottle of whiskey in his hand and it kills Bella to see her Eames like this.

She dials his number.

"Hello?"

"I've changed my mind… If you still want me," she says, no, whispers, only for him to hear.

"Wh…"

"Look at the door"

And the sound of shattered glass broke the silence between them.

_It is said that lovers see the world in brighter colours. But we should not forget too bright colours can blind and scar us._

* * *

**A/N: The first part is done. Tell me if you want to read the second part.**


	14. Chapter 14

To those who it may concern!

I'm so sorry for not continuining the story as fast as I promised to, but all this time was spent on perfecting the storyline and creating more demensional characters.

And here is the first chapter of Brighter. Part Two. Enjoy!

* * *

**Part II. Chapet One.**

The thing is: she gets addicted.

Dreams stopped being just her work… a long time ago, which is not really true. Maybe for her dreams have never been just work – they were her ticket to freedom. They sat her free from her everyday life she started to hate, to despise.

But the thing at hand is not that, it is her addiction.

When it all started, you ask? Bella won't be able to name the exact minute, day or even month. But she remembers the moment.

The terrifying, gleeful moment when she realized that laws of physics did not apply to her in dreams, when she built the city of mirrors which let her travel through it, when she constructed her vision of old delusions – Hell connected with flat surface of Earth by escalator and the golden ladder to Heaven with ivory gates and ethereal strawberry white clouds.

Of course, her job does not imply such dimensions, such depth. At work she builds hotels, parks, districts, cities and all of them are too realistic for dreams. However, experiments lead Bella to the other side, where everything is striking, outstanding, alluring, where every detail is important and is impressive.

There she plays God, building skyscrapers that never end, upside down worlds, no-gravity dimensions. However, she is insatiable, arching, longing for all the restraints to be tore down, for chains to never hold her back. But now she is still grounded, still under pressure of meager rules, but rules nonetheless.

There must be more, she decides one day. There must be so much more.

There, as she finds out later, is.

All the shadows cast out from the halls by sunlight, pouring through open windows on the whiteness of walls, of the young woman's gentle skin. The woman raised a hand to her face as if to hide it from the light shinning straight into her eyes.

She smiles slightly and rolls onto her side, looking for the other body, but the sheets are cold and Bella has to call out for the man.

"In the kitchen!" She hears Eames's voice and slips out of the sheets.

Eames is muttering low curses by the stove, when Bella enters the kitchen:

"Cooking again?"

Every now and then they have to eat at home, but Bella knows only so much about cooking – yes, she can make a mouth-watering lasagna, and sandwiches, and pancakes with cheese, meat and fruits, but cooking real food is a science which is above her. Eames, on the other hand, has a natural talent – today he makes fried potatoes with mushrooms and tomorrow there will be the tastiest cake she has ever eaten.

"Yeah. Nothing extravagant today: just fried eggs with bacon, tomatoes and bread. And tea."

Bella snorts and starts to set the table:

"Sure. Sure. You like to cook, I get it," she nods towards the counter by the stove where several plates of deliciousness itself stand. "We could have got by with just two"

"And what if you get hungry, when I am away? Or what if I get hungry and…"

The young woman grins at the man and gives a playful shove.

"Everything's ready!" Announces Eames and sits down at the table.

xxx

Like spiders creeping into the darkest corners of the house to make their webs, impossible ideas find her and take roots.

She imagines body modifications: not changing forms, but real modifications – scales that protect from bullets, injecting yourself with the mixture made of lizard blood that will allow to heal any wounds and wings that can take a person to the sky and not melt down.

She thinks of whole cities made of gold and marble with the sky that has all the rainbow colours, where citizens are dressed in the silk so light and pure that to the touch it feels almost transparent and where life is so peaceful that those people do not have to do anything but live up to their dreams and pleasures.

She dreams of structures that will allow the dreamers to walk through the maze without spending time on cars and helicopters. She searches for ways to control the dream, wholly and unconditional: weather, projections, guards, architecture.

It all grows into a lust so strong that she is unable to properly eat, sleep, concentrate. She finds herself becoming weaker and weaker as a vampire – not so fast now, not so strong - day by day.

The first of her many projects are wings – the symbol of freedom. The process of researching the kind, of finding the most powerful set, learning the structure bone by bone – everything fascinates her.

xxx

"So," Bella looks up at Eames, zipping her skirt, "where are you going today?"

"Why would you think I am going anywhere?" Responds the man, buttoning up his shirt.

"First of all, you are dressed in one of your suits and it is grey. And at breakfast you said that I can get hungry while you're gone. So where are you flying?"

"Ah, you're so observant."

"Yes, I am. We have known each other for a year and you understand that only now?"

"No, I am proven once more that I'm observant, too."

"And don't try to change the subject."

Eames chuckles and rolls his eyes at the mocking suspicion in her eyes:

"Arthur and I are flying out to Rome to meet up with our potential chemist, he is new to the business, but his drugs, it seems, are worth talking about."

"And what about Dominic? Is he going, too?"

"Ah, no. He is wanted there."

Bella breathes out a snicker and puts her arms around Eames's neck.

"Be back for dinner and do not even think about take out."

His hands slide on her waist and press her to him.

Every kiss for her always feels like the first one: the same feeling of blossoming mirth, of your breath being stolen away and the same foreboding of something sweet and perfect; however, the difference is that unlike the first one every kiss afterwards manages to be even more sensual and passionate than the last one.

That is how she feels when Eames kisses her.

When the door behind her lover closes, Bella turns around and looks at the silver case, stashed away on the wardrobe.

'_Time to play,'_ she thinks and stands on her tiptoes, feeling the cold metal of the device.

xxx

This is not her first try, nor her twelfth or thirtieth, but she is sure: this one is the last. At last she will get it and stop meeting nose-to-concrete with the street. She is restless and a little bit angry. And that is her only mistake.

'_To be successful this time_,' she thinks, '_the dose must increase'._

Her wings are powerful, big and the colour of warm chocolate. She is standing on the highest skyscraper in the city, ready to fly.

She steps off the building, violently flapping her wings. They are strong and huge, and they can carry her to the sky, so she pushes them up once, twice and then she feels it – the amazing feeling of soaring, of the all-consuming awareness that she is flying.

CRASH!

She lies in a puddle of her own blood, her eyes are half-closed and her body looks as if a child decided that this doll outlived her time, broke its every tiny bone and threw the once-beautiful doll away. And the only thing Bella can manage is:

"More drugs next time."


	15. Chapter 15

Part II. Chapter Two.

She wakes up under the twilight sky, at the courtyard of their house in London suburbs. How long was she asleep? She yawns and rubs her forehead. Her whole body is still arching from the leap she took in a dream.

It must be the utter exhaustion that she doesn't hear the boots shuffling in the living room.

"Bella?" she hears a surprised voice. Eames.

Eames doesn't know about her experiments. He can't know, because he would instantly think of Cobb's wife, who had killed herself because of dreams, and tell her to stop. And she… how can she if there are so many possibilities, so many wonderful things to experience?

"Are you at it again?" she hears a soft laugh in his voice.

"No," she lies, feeling a drop of sweet running down her temple, "I've been… just…," she hesitates, thinking up a good reason to be found with a PASIV needle in her vein, when they agreed not to use the device at home, "building a level for Barcelona job. The one where…"

Eames laughs a little and hugs her from behind and trails a few wet kisses on her cheek to the corner of her lips. Bella smiles and closes her eyes in pleasure.

"Oh, cut it. I know about your experiments."

"What?" Bella jumps a little and turns her head to look at the snickering man in horror.

"You thought me unaware?" Eames's ability to make his whole face smile amazes her: how his lips are turned up just a bit to make it a good-hearted, open smile, how tiny crinkles appear in the corners of his eyes, how his eyes glint in cheer.

"When did you find out?"

"The first time you picked a book on climate. I know you to be a woman of many interests, but that was just too suspicious. Even a book called _'How to make and use poison'_ would have been less dubious"

His voice is cracking up with laughter and she thinks that he is enjoying it too much and if this is some sort of test than she is going to poison _him_. And she voices that exact thought and ads a punch in the shoulder to make point.

"I do not dare!" exclaims Eames, raising his hands in mock surrender.

And Bella can only smile, because from now on she won't be experimenting alone. She will be with Eames.

It's like a dream came true.

xxx

She flies.

Up and down. Soaring above the fields of wild flowers, cool breeze is blowing in her face. And she is drunk on success. Now she can take on anything and be the Mistress of her own dreams. Isn't that beautiful?

One of her favorite tricks now is projecting thousand of tanks filled with liquid metal above her with metal flowing out and shaping into metal ground, buildings with quaint façade springing out of the ground, metal trees growing from tiny seed into giants with majestic branches and gentle twigs adorned by delicate bronze leaves. There are many parks in her metal city: sand crunching under her feet, grass swaying mechanically by the river of flowing fiery metal, small and large trees forming picturesque lane avenues. Not far from the small river she makes wonderful flower beds: roses, lilies, daisies, daffodils – all of them are made of glistening metal. And to fill the silence she creates nightingales: their clear, melodious songs filling all the alleys of her new city.

Other tricks are more subtle, meant to be hidden and _not_ to terrify unwelcomed visitors. Eames taught her to use bypasses in her mazes, to fill them with things that would help her to move faster and to confuse projections.

At first she chose mirrors for that. They blended into her designs, they didn't alter the maze, they were portable and she liked simple, classy mirrors without huge gold frames. But then they got dull. After that followed a series of doors, hidden by tapestries, ponds that reflect the other side, she even used _rabbit holes_. But tapestries can be torn down and doors walked through, ponds that reflect something that is not there are too evident and rabbit holes… the problem with them is that she hates falling. For her the perfect decision was to use large pictures that hid the pathways to many crucial rendezvous points in the level.

And not to mention her vault. The glistering white house of crystal and porcelain located in the heart of a dark, haunted labyrinth filled with traps and diversions, in that house every experiment of hers with dreams is stored in glass walls, so that if anyone would enter her mind and all the defenses would fall, they won't get to those memories without first destroying them. A neat solution.

However, a bullet in the head was still the most preferable one.

xxx

Eames never lets her make tea: he doesn't trust her with such delicate matter. And she doesn't argue. It feels nice when someone courts her in such a manner: without fanfare and harangues, without solemn vows and balcony serenades.

They sit in the garden opposite each other. There are two cups of strong tea and a plate of hot bagels between them. Eames looks at her over the small porcelain cup with florid tracery and petite jays which doesn't suit him at all. He doesn't talk and she stays silent, too.

Sometimes their fingers touch just a little, sometimes his palm – big and warm – covers her hand. It's foolish – reaching for each other across the table, but it was good. And sometimes Isabella wished to sit like this for the rest of eternity, without a care in the world, watch the one you love and know that he loves you in return. She could have never even dared to dream about this.

xxx

"Tell me about forgery," she asks once, when they are dreaming together, "how does it feel?"

"How would you feel slipping off your own skin and putting someone else's face on?"

"So, every time you forge, you dissapear?" She is hesitant, because her lover had never been prone on talking about forgery before. And she was never one to pry into his personal business uninvited.

"No," he exhales sharply, smiling at her, "of course not."

He falters, looks at her, then up to the sky. He is searching for the right words to describe the feeling of shifting from yourself to someone else and yet, staying the same.

"It is like trying on dresses, for you, in search of that special one. You put on a black dress and it feels comfortable, but you don't like the length of it. And you ask for another. It is still you, the one who wears it, and a dress, but a shorter one, altered, changed."

"So nothing like changing yourself from within, altering yourself?"

"No. At the core it is still me. A good forger would never lose himself in someone else's image, has to know what he wants, he has to be a formed personality. It's a matter of will and of self-confidence. I've seen quite a few forgers thinking that they are their forge."

"I still don't understand a thing. It's illogical!"

She huffs and looks at the man.

"It is better this way," he has kind eyes and a new tiny crinkle in the corner of his left eyes, she notices.

But that doesn't stop a small, tiny seed from growing larger.

xxx

Her hands are so cold when she finally runs up to James and crashes into his open arms. He smells like burnt bread and bergamot. And cotton.

"How was your flight?" he asks, when they are finally out of the airport parking and on their way to their home. Ah, home. She hadn't seen those horrible cushions in a month. And she missed them. A lot.

"I slept most of it," she says, rubbing her hands together and putting them closer to the heater. Her fingers were pure ice and they wouldn't get warmer. She had missed London and the ugly cushions and _James_, but she forgot how miserable the winter here was, how cold and windy and absolutely numbing. She shuddered.

"Had London been so cold when you were a kid, James?"

Instead of an answer she gets a mocking huff.

xxx

She starts noticing things.

At first they are small – she can't remember a few digits, she sees the colors all bleak and dirty, the only rich color that she can tell apart from the world around her is red – maroon, burgundy, fire brick or simple bright red color – they still are as they were before. So she throws out every single thing in her wardrobe and only wears black, white and red.

And then Isabella loses her footing and falls on the floor, breaking the shoe heels. Knocks over a kettle of boiling water and manages to cut her hands open on the shards of milk bottles. She watches the blood red _something_ leaking out of her wounds and mixing with the milk and thinks that it is a strange, but wonderful picture.

Then James comes in and everything is so hazy. She must have lost consciousness.

The only explanation for the bizarre occurrence was so improbable that she needed an expert opinion before even contemplating the idea.

"Sure, it is possible. Drugs change our mind to suit the dream, they affect our blood system, and I'm sure that certain components in compounds that differ from the basic one also influence our body, some more, some less. It all depends on h…"

She didn't hear anything after that, the chemist they had been working with was drowning on and on, but the only thing spinning in her head was:

'I am human. I. Am. Human.'

That day in the chemist's hotel room she wept.


End file.
